


Mala Suledin Nadas

by Live4h0y, superb_mediocrity



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, POV Solas, Sexy Solas, Solas Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 15:37:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7469235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Live4h0y/pseuds/Live4h0y, https://archiveofourown.org/users/superb_mediocrity/pseuds/superb_mediocrity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Solas wakes from uthenera he must discover how to cope in a strange new world.</p><p>In connection to "Making Fen'Harel", and you should probably read that before reading this. </p><p>Inspired by Dragon Age: Inquisition.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He wandered through the Arbor Wilds, alone and tired. Thinking, ever working through the problems he had caused. He considered every option available, but none seemed a good plan. Time had seemed to slow with the breaking of his heart. Everything he had seen had only seen to deepen that ache. 

More than anything, the lone wolf wanted to find his love. He knew she was here, this was her time, she had told him as much unknowingly. She had said that they had loved in the future, it had been hard to believe, but impossible to disprove. He trusted he would find her, but for now he had other things to think about. 

It had been two weeks since Solas had awoken from uthenera. So much time had passed since his betrayal, and the world had long forgotten all he had done. They no longer heard the stories of his valor, they no longer whispered his name in respect. Instead his name was invoked as a curse. Say they "Fen'Harel take you", "Fen'Harel guide you", and of the like. His heart ached for what they could never know. 

His dismay only stretched the further he strayed from his castle. The people, they were so lost, their stories were merely legend. They truly knew nothing of the ancient elves, of him, of the others. They knew nothing, and it was utterly disappointing. 

As he approached a small camp he lowered the cowl from his head, letting the sun beam down and warm the top of his head. He took a steadying breath before walking in. The eyes of the humans around him bored weary holes into his form. He swallowed hard as he opened the door to the tavern and entered. 

Upon his entrance many of the dwellers within stopped their chattering and looked upon him with curious gazes. When he met their eyes without fear they looked back to their drinks and their companions. He licked his lips as he sat down at a table in the corner of the room. He always sat there, away from the crowd, wherever he could see the entire room.

There was a serving girl in the kitchen, a petite figure with mid length black hair, his heart pounded at the sight, leaping for joy his mind added that it was her. When she turned in his direction and saw him looking at her so happily she smiled faintly. It wasn't an unpleasant smile, nor was she an unpleasant woman, but he turned his eyes away. His heart throbbed and his mind pulsed saying "You fool. It can not be her, she would be with her Clan", and alas it was true. Though he had travelled to a few Dalish camps, he had yet to be impressed, and had surely not found his vhenan. 

The fair woman approached him from the side, and he watched in his periphery as she came closer, smiling all the while. His face burned hot with embarrassment, he had not wanted her attention, he had thought her to be someone else entirely. 

"Hi there." His eyes slowly swiveled from the table to the woman's face. Her soft voice was intoxicating in its simplicity. 

"Greetings." He smiled warmly, but not too warm. The woman's smile grew a watt brighter at his reply. 

"What can I get ya' today?" She asked coyly, her eyes implied she willing to give more than what was on the menu, but he wasn't interested in her. 

"A drink of sorts would be well." He let his eyes wander down her body, but promptly threw the notion out. She noticed no matter 

"Is that all?" Her eye brow shot up a little. 

"Yes, please." He smiled again, then promptly looked away from her. She rolled her eyes and swished away to retrieve his drink. Once she was gone he let out a long breath and shook his head at himself. 

She returned with the drink not long after. She sat the metal cup down a little too hard and then told Solas that the drink would be two shillings. He retrieved the money and handed it to her, then took a long pull from the cup. 

Suspicious eyes watched him around the room as he drank. He watched them too, but not as questioningly, he was well versed in the ways of men and knew that they were only untrusting of a strange elf that just walked into town for a drink. He also knew they could be dangerous, but he hoped that it would not come to that. 

He left quietly and inconspicuously, walking out the door on swift feet. He found the road and turned north on it, making his way ever closer to his destination. His frequent stops at ruins and small villages and camps had cost him much time, but he was not rushed. After all, he had all the time in the world.


	2. Chapter 2

finally made it. He had hoped that at least there would be something remnant of what he had hoped to see, but there only remained weathered ruins. Stone walls, cracked and crumbling, the texture of the brick long weathered away. Creeper vines clung to every other inch of the surface. Moss had grown over the remaining top of the wall, drenching it in fuzzy green. He ran his fingers along one of the broken walls as he walked down a small overgrown path. 

He closed his eyes and called into the Fade, but his family was no where to be found. There was no evidence that they had ever physically been here at all. This realization brought on a bout of swirling rage and pain. A small gasp escaped his lips, and he sat down hard on the grass outside what had once been his childhood home. 

His eyes snapped tightly closed against the pain thudding in his chest. He tried to shove the pain away, to put it away from him, but he couldn't get past the aching disappointment of it all. He was truly alone. All of his people were long gone. Now there was only him. He stood slowly and pressed his hands against the cool stone, eyes still closed. 

He took a deep breath and stepped away from the building. Wallowing in his pity wouldn't change anything about what he had done. Now he could only move forward from thus pain.

It seemed to be a vicious cycle for him, fixing problems that he had caused, and many times that only served to cause another bigger problem. He conceded that he was possibly the biggest mess up in the universe. No matter, his family and friends were all long gone. Now it came to what he chose to do about it. 

He spent three weeks there, in the ruins of a village that had once been his home. He walked in the Fade, witnessed all the things he had missed along the way. Some were painful to watch. In those instances he forced his mind to focus anyway. Other times, the reflections were joyous and warmed his heart. 

He watched his father cry the day Solas had left. He wiped away silent tears of sadness and pride as his son walked away. The feeling was overwhelming to Solas. His father had never been one prone to show emotion. Even after Solas was gone, his father continued to work in the field. In fact, he was working there when the veil snapped into place, placing mortality on him. 

Solas watched as visitors to the village told of the things the Gods had done. Told of Fen'Harel's acts of sudden kindness, even told of the serving girl he had found a liking for. His father never considered that Fen'Harel could be his own son. Though when he heard of the rebellion being led by the Dread Wolf, he had smiled big and wide, had agreed with the cause, had even wanted to join it, but Solas's mother had sternly forbade it. 

"I ain't losin' another of me boys, ya hear? Yer' stayin'. Plenty of work to be done any how." Hands on her hips, eyes big and round. Solas smiled at the sight. How he missed them. 

After he had witnessed all he cared to witness of the life he could have been a part of, could still be apart of had he not been so foolish, he set out again. He could have fought for mage rights fairly, he could have figured it out. He could have kept Rihari with him, kept her safe. Brought her home to mom and pop, the thought of the smile it would bring to his mother's soft face made him smile fondly. He hadn't had to do anything at all, but he had and now it was over. There was only one direction to go.

He needed time to plan how to play this out, so he decided to do the one thing he knew, observe memories in the Fade. Learn of this world and its trappings, it was the only option. So he moved along for the bigger part of two years. He listened to the villagers speak of past wars, and he travelled to the battlefields to witness them for himself. He stayed a few nights at a time in different ruins. He watched as the elves fell. His doing, unkowingly of course, but nonetheless. 

He traveled to cities abroad and saw the elves that lived as servants and those that lived in alienages as "free" elves. His heart ached for what they had lost, for what they must endure. 

For what he had done.

...

He watched carefully from atop a hill as Templars rushed about a small city, practically slaughtering the mages therein. A rebellion, started by the circle of magi. Kirkwall was the first of many to rebel. His doing, he had made sure to make small influences that encouraged their want to be free. The sun was setting, casting the entire scene in a brilliantly beautiful shade of orange. It was like looking at the world through a dimly lit yet brightly colored filter. 

Stray sparks of magic flew off through the sky. He watched as the fireball dissapated into the air, leaving behind a trail of smoke. He sighed deeply. Though he was well hidden, how long would it be before he was spotted and treated the same as the apostates. He left as quietly and soft footed as he had came. 

The lunch he had consumed as he had sat and watched the spectacle sat heavy in his stomach, suddenly making him feel sick. His stomach lurched and he instinctively bent forward, spewing the freshly chewed contents onto the ground. 

A flash of memory came back to him. He helped hold her hair as she vomitted into the sink. His free hand rubbed softly up and down her bare back. She had been awoken by nightmares of a battle she was never supposed to witness. "Odhea, ma'arlath." He whispered against the side of her head as he wrapped his arm around her waist.

She obeyed by taking a deep breath and relaxing into his arms. "There was just.." she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to purge the visions of the dirt soaking up the blood, turning it into a deep shade of sickly purple. The stench of burning flesh stung her eyes even now, and the bodies..

"I know." He didn't want her to finish that sentence, he didn't want her to think of the horrors she had witnessed. "Do not think of it." But she did think of it. 

Solas sat down hard beside the pool of half digested food and stomach bile. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and shook his head. If he had believed there was a divine power, he would have called out to them to take this pain from him. To relieve him of his longing, regret, and despair. 

But there were no creators, there was only him and her and all these people with empty eyes. This world he had created had turned sour, like milk left in the hot summer sun. He supposed it had always been sour since the very start of his rebellion. A waste of so many lives, a waste of so much time and power. Another round of mistakes to put on his plate. 

He blinked to try and keep the tears at bay. He wouldn't cry anymore, it accomplished nothing. Now that the first act of his mission had been set into motion, he supposed that he could only move forward. It was always the only option.

 

............  
Translations   
Ma'arlath - my love  
Odhea- breathe


	3. Chapter 3

He watched from a nearby village as the sky suddenly exploded with green light. From where he stood, the after blast did little but kick snow up into his eyes. He didn't make an outward reaction, knowing it would be noticed as different. Everyone around him gasped and cried. Some called out of a blight, others cried it was the Maker, some just ran and hid, and some ran to put on armor and grab weapons.

The Maker, he thought, what a ridiculous idea. In human culture most believed that the Maker put up the veil, seperating the waking world from the Fade. He knew this was not so, because he himself had put up the Veil. Perhaps their Maker was real, but he had not put up the Veil, this much was certain. 

He watched the explosion settle into a twirling green hole in the light blue sky. Lightening struck out from it and lit the clouds sickly green with every strike. He canted his head curiously. Why had that happened? This Magister should have died when the orb's power was unlocked, perhaps he had died. Solas sighed deeply as he made his way through the masses and towards the Breach. 

All the people close to the blast had been char burned in their place. They stood like smoldering black statues, frozen in anguish, to watch his every move. The blackened corpses seemed to cast blame at him from the pits of their scorched mouths and hollow holes where eyes should have been. He closed his eyes so as to not look at the dead, so he couldn't see their judgmental faces.

As he made his way closer to the Breach he began looking for the orb. He hoped that no one had seen it and taken it to whoever would be in charge. The closer he got to the twirling hole in the sky, the less bodies appeared. As he approached right under it, it took his breath away. The Fade pushed against the fabric of the world here, he could feel all the spirits clamoring to get through, blocking each others way. He watched the mass a moment, twirling forever in a sea of green fog. 

He pulled his eyes away from the Breach and searched the ground for any signs of the orb, but none were present. The orb, along with the magister, were gone. There were a few bones laying about, what was left of those that stood so close. What had happened exactly, wasn't clear. 

He heard voices approaching, soldiers he supposed. He made record time getting out of the area, thus he wouldn't be blamed. After all, who better to be blamed than an elven apostate. He made his way to where it appeared all the soldiers had came from, a place called Haven. The people ran about frantically preparing for whatever this meant for them. 

In order to get the orb he so desired, he decided it best to help this group close the Breach. Perhaps someone had retrieved it, and still had it. He walked towards a group of soldiers being rallied by a man in sophisticated armor. He stood close enough that he may be seen, the man squinted eyes at him, but said nothing until the soldiers had dispersed. 

"You there." He called. "Can I help you?" His eyes were weary of the staff Solas carried. 

"I wish to help."

"Can you heal, mage?" He asked. 

"Solas." He corrected with a tight lipped smile. A small disrespect that he would begrudgingly forgive, mostly because he hadn't much choice. "And yes I can."

"Good." The man motioned towards the chantry. "There's a prisoner up there who our forces found at the conclave, unharmed. Mostly. She needs a healer."

"Mostly unharmed?" Solas repeated. 

"Aye. You will see soon enough." The commander turned and left swiftly. 

Solas shrugged off the man's distrust, it didnt matter anyways. He made his way to the Chantry and entered slowly, he removed his staff and propped it against the wall so he would not be seen as a threat. In all respects, the Dread Wolf looked weak and humble. Just a simple apostate, no one to be eagerly feared. Truly, a wolf in sheep's clothing. 

Two women exited a door to the left and he stopped to greet them. 

"What are you doing here?" One asked, the other immediately drew her sword. The sound of the steel sliding from its scabbard seemed far to loud and foreign in such a quiet, peaceful place. 

"Greetings." Solas nodded politely. He wasn't afraid of her blade, not truly. "I am Solas. I was told a prisoner was in need of healing." He raised his hands at this to signal he was capable. 

"That is true, but how can I trust you? Mages caused this to begin with." The woman with short black hair asked. 

"I mean no harm." He stated. Mages didn't cause this, but they were a likely scapegoat.

"I dont recognize that accent. Where do you come from?" The other, a petite woman with light red hair, asked.

"Ah. Miss.." he paused to allow her to insert her name and she did so cautiously, stating that she was Leliana and the other woman was Cassandra. "Leliana. I am from a small village to the North, you would not have heard of it."

"So you are not a rebel apostate?" Cassandra asked. 

"No." He resassured. "I came only to help after I saw the tear in the sky."

The women made eye contact, and Leliana nodded. "Fine. I will take you there." Cassandra stated. "You should deliver results. If I suspect duplicity, I will not hesitate to have you executed." She motioned wuth her sword before sliding back into its place. Solas slatted his eyes behind her, that did scare him, if only a little. 

He followed as the harsh woman led him down stairs and through a few doors. Finally, he was led to a locked gate. It was dark on the other side of the bars, but he could see a faint green glow. His eyebrows stitched together in confusion. 

"I do not know how she recieved the.. mark.. but it is growing with the.. tear in they sky." She explained as she unlocked the doors. 

Mark? His heart jumped into his throat. He nodded his head softly as he entered the dark room. The woman was facing the wall, her clothes pooled around her in waves of green fabric far too big for her fragile frame. He called fire to his fingertips and lit some of the candles about the small cell, bringing the dingy area to life.

With the new light, he could see her black hair, one side shaved with a braid falling over her perfectly pointed ear. He tried to control his breathing and the beat of his fluttering heart, but neither listened as he delicately turned her body onto her back. His breath caught in his lungs when he saw her face. Tears stung his eyes, and he rubbed his fingers softly down her cheek. It was her, really her. Creators, it had been so long, he had been convinced that their meddling in the past would ruin any chance he had of seeing her again. 

Cassandra awkwardly cleared her throat behind him. She had seen his demeanor change. "Can you fix it?"

He reached for her hand and examined the mark carefully. He ran his fingers along her palm, the mark caused his skin to tingle where he touched it. He smiled softly, pulling up a memory he hadn't thought of in over a year. A memory of her hand rubbing down his naked chest, leaving a trail of tingling magic behind. "I can not remove the mark, but I can suppress its effects. Albeit temporarily." He looked over his shoulder for approval and Cassandra nodded. 

He pulled on the Fade, whispering soft words to a spell long forgotten. The spell sparked on his finger tips, and he ran his fingers slowly around the mark. The glow slowly dissapated a little and she sighed in her sleep, dragging another smile to his lips. 

The mark. She had said it was caused by touching an orb, was it his orb? It must have been. He remembered that night fondly. They had just crashed a party in Dirthamen's castle where she was mistaken as a servant. He had found her in the Fade, he had seen it then and asked her of it. She had explained that she had received ut by touching an ancient Elven Orb. He had taken her to his hold and had asked her about the foci, showing her his own. What had she said? It seemed so long ago. A cough behind him yanked him from his thoughts. 

He stood slowly and put her arm beside her body softly. Then walked over to talk to Cassandra. "I would stay and watch the mark, be certain it does not kill her."

"Good." Cassandra stated. "Be sure it does not." She made hard eye contact before turning and leaving. He had met her eyes steadily, refusing to show fear. 

Without eyes here to watch he finally let out the breath he had been holding. It came out shaky and unrattled, he had not expected this, and he was unsure how to proceed. He loved her. He already loved her, but she didnt know of him. She would never remember the time they had spent together in Ancient Arlathan, no matter how hard it was, he couldn't make it seem as though he knew her. 

He propped on his knees beside her and took her hand into his own trembling one. His eyes squeezed close as he pressed his lips softly to the back of her hand, barely brushing the skin. A single tear slithered down his cheek and he swiftly wiped it away. He wouldn't cry, couldn't actually, it would be telling. "Ir abelas, da'ean." He mumbled against her warm skin. "I was foolish." It felt like every choice he made directly impacted the world. It was a lot to carry. 

He had given up all hope of ever seeing her again. Though it had only been two years since he awoke, and only almost one since he had sent her back. The time he had spent without her, while he was not in euthenera, had slithered by at a snails pace. Time seemed to slow when one was broken, as if the very universe enjoyed the pain. 

He pulled his eyes away from her long enough to gander at the shanty cell. It was hardly a proper cell for a prisoner, let alone someone so.. precious. Seeing her thrown down here like a common criminal peaked his anger. He wanted to demand she have a better place to rest her head. 

No matter, it would do no good. They would not care to entertain an elven apostate. He would stay and watch after her until she woke up. 

...

"Wake up." A rough hand shook his shoulder. He woke with a start, pulling himself off of the edge of her bed and the stool he had been sitting on when he fell asleep rubbing her arm. 

"What? I apologize, I must have fell asleep." He responded. He stretched out his back, urging the sleepy muscles to wake. 

"Yes. Well, are you hungry? I brought some bread and water." She asked. As if on cue his stomach grumbled and twisted silently. 

"I.. yes. Thank you." He nodded his head respectfully. He followed her from the cell. She opened up a loaf of bread, bundled in a piece of leather, and passed him half of it. He took a cautious bite, but finding it tasted well, he took a bigger one. 

"Do you know her?" Cassandra nodded to the prisoner. His eyes scanned her figure, looking for any signs of distress before he got wrapped up in conversation.

"No." He concluded it best he say so. How would he explain that anyway. 

"Oh. I just thought.."

"What? Since we are both elven?" He interrupted. 

"No. It was not that." She replied, but her cheeks caught a light blush, suggesting that was perhaps part of it. "I just saw how you looked at her."

"She is very.." he paused a moment, deciding if he should share at all. "beautiful." 

Cassandra said nothing a moment. "No matter. She is suspected of causing the tear in the sky." He didn't reply to that. He wasn't sure what had happened to the sky, not exactly. "Any ideas?" She passed the water jug, and he took a quick gulp.

She looked hopeful. He'd throw her a bone, why not. "I believe that the mark on her hand may be able to close the Breach."

She squinted her eyes cautiously. "Why?"

"It would seem that the mark grows with the Breach. It is only reasonable to suggest they are connected." He took another big bite of the bread, his empty stomach demanded it. 

She nodded. "That does make sense." She stood and dusted off her lap. "I will call for Adan, our apothecary. He will tend to her awhile, use some herbs to relieve the pain. Take a break."

"Thank you." He smiled softly. He looked back over to Rihari, sleeping peacefully. He needed to go to the Breach. Had to try.

..

It was useless. No matter how much focus he channeled into his finger tips. No matter how much power he forced at the tear in the sky, nothing happened. Not even a ripple. He shook his head angrily as he turned to leave. He made his way back to Haven in no time. Still time to spare, so he headed to the tavern. He could use some water after all the trekking he had done. 

Once sitted comfortably at a table with a glass of water to drink, his mind wondered. What exactly was he going to do. What if she never woke up? His heart beat a little faster at the mere notion. That wasnt possible was it? She had to wake up because the cycle suggested she would. Perhaps, his meddling had messed something up?

"Hey there." A dwarf with a slightly unpleasant scar across his nose sat across from Solas. The aroma from his cup suggested something stronger than water. 

"Hello." Solas greeted. Taking a soft sip of water. 

"What are you doing here? Aren't you afraid of the Templars?" He nodded to the staff. 

Solas chuckled. "No, they do not concern me. I am here to assist, and so far that has been caring for Ri- umm, the prisoner." He mentally kicked himself. He had to watch his tongue. 

"Oh, that's great. You heard what happened then?"

"No?" Solas was eager to hear it though. 

The dwarf took a long pull from his tankard and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Well, they say that she walked out of the hole in the sky. They say Andraste was behind her, that she led her out. Then she fell unconscious."

Solas's mind reeled silently, a hamster on a broken wheel. She had came out of the Breach? So she had been in the Fade? Physically? How? "You believe that?"

"I don't know what I believe, but that's something right?" 

Solas chuckled again. "I suppose so."

"My name is Varric Tethras, by the way." 

"Solas." He replied. 

"Well, Solas. You looked like you needed some company. Luckily for you, I make good company." He winked and then took another swig from his tankard, then sat it down hard. Empty. 

Solas laughed softly. This dwarf was entertaining to say the least. Perhaps, it was just his drunkenness, or maybe it was who he was. Cheerful. 

"Well, I'm dry." He frowned at his cup, then looked up to Solas. "Want a drink, Chuckles?" 

Solas smiled softly, remembering a time so long ago when someone else had called him that. Now he knew why, this man must become his friend. He shook his head, however. He had to get back to the dingy cell that held his love. "Another time perhaps? I have duties to attend to."

"Oh, yeah. Of course." Varric stood sloppily. "See you, Chuckles."


	4. Chapter 4

She was never going to wake up. How could she? A mortal sent physically through the Fade. It was a feat in itself, but surely she would not live. He was afraid that she wouldn't wake up. That everything had been for naught and the world would end this way, by his hand. It was not supposed to happen this way.

He searched the Fade for spirits that he might confide in, but they had all been driven away by the Breach. He was alone, no one to ask what to do or get advice from. It was the first time in his life that his dreams were empty, and his friends were absent.

He was preparing to flee, to go so far away that it would be awhile for the effects of the Breach to reach him. He would study it from a distance, and prepare to deal with it when it got to him. What else was there to do?

"Hey there, Chuckles." Varric walked over, cleaning his crossbow with a small silky cloth in the process. He and Solas had became somewhat of friends in the past few days. 

"Going somewhere?" Solas asked. 

Varric nodded towards the Breach. "Demons are spilling out of rifts. Someone has to fight them off." 

Solas nodded. "I will come with you."

Varric smiled sadly, considering something. "Seeker?" He turned to Cassandra. 

"No. I will meet you there." She explained in a rush. "The prisoner is waking up, I will bring her too. Perhaps, she can close the Breach as you say."

Solas's heart beat hard against his ribcage, threatening to bust out at any moment. He was excited by her words, enthralled actually. She was waking up? Amazing. He couldn't wait to see her. Outwardly, he nodded and said a quick "see you there". 

..

"Quickly! Before more come through!" He panted. He took her hand and shoved it towards the rift. It exploded into a mass of blinding green before sealing tight. As soon as the rift was closed she tore her hand from his grasp and held it close to her chest, a look of distrust on her face. 

"What did you do?" She asked.

He smiled, his heart hammered in his ears at the sight of her. Alive. All he wanted was to pull her close and tell her how much he had missed her, how sorry he was. "I did nothing. The credit is yours." 

She looked carefully at her hand. "The mark did this? How?"

"Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand. I theorized that the mark may be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breaches wake- and it seems I was correct." He explained. 

Cassandra strode over, sheathing her blade as she did. "Which means it may also be able to close the Breach itself."

Solas nodded. He had a hard time stripping his eyes from her, she was noticing, but he didn't care. "Possibly." A smile. "It seems you hold the key to our salvation." She smiled back, daring to keep eye contact. His breath caught in his lungs when her eyes landed on him. 

"Good to know. Here I thought we'd be ass deep in demons forever." Varric strutted over. "Varric Tethras. Rogue, storyteller, and occasional unwelcome tagalong." He winked at Cassandra as he introduced himself and she sneered. 

"Are you with the Chantry or-?." 

Solas laughed. "Is that a serious question?"   
She looked over to him and his heart seemed to stop a second. She smiled softly, she thought he was adorable. He could even tell that much. 

Varric tried to hide his smile from Solas's friendly jab. "Technically I'm a prisoner, just like you."

Cassandra grunted and rolled her eyes. "I brought you here to tell your story to the Divine. Clearly, that is no longer necessary."

"Yet here I am. Lucky for you considering current events." He grinned. 

"Well, it's good to meet you, Varric."

"You may reconsider that stance in time." Solas jabbed. 

Varric rolled his eyes. "Aw." He covered his eyes dramatically. "I'm sure we'll become great friends in the valley, Chuckles."

Cassandra shook her head immediately. "Absolutely not. Your help is appreciated, Varric, but-"

"Have you been in the valley lately, Seeker? Your soldiers aren't in control anymore. You need me." He smiled, satisfied with the fact of her discomfort. Cassandra just made a disgusted noise before stepping a few more steps back from him. 

"My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions. I am pleased to see you still live." He watched her face carefully, looking for any signs of recognition, but there was nothing there. She didn't know him, that fact broke his heart. He could never mention the past that she wouldnever remember. 

"He means 'I kept that thing from killing you while you slept'."

"You seem to know a great deal about it all." She had a suspicious and curious look. 

"Unlike you, Solas is an apostate." Cassandra interjected. 

"Technically, all mages are apostates Cassandra." He replied kurtly before placing his eager eyes back on Rihari. "My travels have allowed me to learn much of the Fade. Far beyond the experience of any Circle Mage." He canted his head softly, a smile tugged at his lips. He couldn't help but stare, it was all so surreal. "I came to offer whatever help I can give with the Breach. If it is not closed, we are all doomed. Regardless of orgin."

"Yeah? And when this is all over?"

He pursed his lips thoughtfully. "One hopes that those in power will remember those who helped and those who did not." He had to physically yank his eyes away from her to address Cassandra. "Cassandra, you should know: the magic involved here is unlike any I have seen. Your prisoner is no mage, but i find it difficult to imagine any mage having such power." He could feel her examining him, he tried to just breathe calmly. 

Cassandra nodded slowly. "Understood." She started to turn away. "We must get to the forward camp quickly." Solas forced his legs to move after her. 

"Well.. Bianca's excited." He heard Varric joke behind him. 

Rihari made her way up to walk beside Solas. She smiled brightly over at him, a smile that seemed to light up the world, making the harsh white of the snow almost unbearable. Creators, her smile broke his heart. "Well, Solas. It appears I owe you my thanks." He wondered if she felt this connection. The look in her eyes said she did, but still.

He chuckled a little at her thanks. If only she knew, that she didn't. All of the problems faced here were his doing.


	5. Chapter 5

Goes alongside Chapter 2 of "In Your Heart Shall Burn."

They had been running errands for the people at Crossroads for what seemed like weeks, though it had only been about four days. Rihari was clearly agitated, she didn't think they had time to be trying to appease everyone. He agreed, but in this time people needed to be convinced, pushing more power and fear wouldn't help.  

All the people at Crossroads were taken with her, as most people were, as he was. She was quite popular among the people, as the Herald of Andraste. A ridiculous notion.  She ate up the attention, of course. Rihari loved having the attention on her, and there was no shortage. She was confident in herself, yet refrained from being prideful. She was humbly confident, and people tended to notice it. 

When they finally had a chance to return to Haven, the first thing she did was go to her borrowed cottage and sleep. 

He had spent most of the day walking around town, he had bought some new foot wraps at the trader. He dropped off some roots herbs at the apothecary. He spoke with Varric briefly before Varric dismissed himself saying something about "letters to write." Then he sat outside his cottage to observe the Breach and the way it looked as the sun was setting. 

She shambled down the path towards the bar, the clothing she had chosen were not hardly warm enough, the snow biting through the soft fabric or her pants legs as she walked. The wind blew white powder under the hood of her jacket, making her cheeks blush against the cold. Luckily she didn't have to walk far. 

Solas saw all this from his resting place on a rock near the cottage he shared with some other people that overlooked the village as he wrapped his feet with the new cloth. She made her way into the tavern without noticing him. 

He needed an excuse to accidently bump into her there. There was no wood outside of the building. It would be cold once the sun set. That was his excuse to go in, and a good one.

Solas prepped himself to see her, as he made his way carefully down the steps. He had to feel for each step before he took ot, being sure he didn't slip. He pushed the door open with his shoulder and entered caressing an armful of firewood. The bartender rushed to meet him as he struggled with the door. 

"Oh, thank you again for the wood. I didn't have time today to get any. 'Twas afraid I would be sleeping in the cold tonight." She said as she helped him with half the load. 

"I saw. You were quite busy today. I thought you might be in need of some wood for the night." He smiled to Rihari as he passed and dropped the wood beside the fireplace. 

"How very thoughtful it was of you, sir!" The tender said. "Please, sit. The Herald is just having a nighttime snack. We were just talking about your journeys in the Hinterlands." 

Rihari smiled to the woman, and then to Solas who was already smiling faintly as he slid onto the stool next to her. She offered him a bite of her bread, but he declined having already eaten that evening. He didn't want bread, he only wanted her company. 

....  
"Are you tired?" Rihari asked Solas as they stepped outside the cavern."I just woke up from a long nap. Want to go chat awhile?" She phrased it as a question, but it didn't seem optional, not in his mind anyway. Solas wasn't tired, but if he had been he would have denied it just to spend time with her. 

"Yes. I have some tomes I gathered on my travels you may be interested in." He lead her towards his own borrowed cottage, eager for the attention. There were other people staying there, but they were already fast asleep in their raggedy beds, behind the thin walls separating the beds. Solas was well aware that Rihari loved to talk of the Fade, since of course she could not enter there often enough, her knowledge was limited. 

"Oh, you know I would be interested!" She exclaimed as she dashed for the steps, passing him by in a flash of black hair and giggles. He laughed at her enthusiasm. "What is it, farm boy?" She teased, turning back to sneer at him with her arms held out to her sides, "Last one to the house is a dead nug." His heart squeezed as deja vu set in. The entire moment reminded him of their game of drunken chase through the halls of his castle, until they had ran into an intruder.

"That is incredibly childish." Solas said, but he dashed up the steps after her anyways. A smile on his face as he caught up with her. They crashed into the door, both laughing like children. 

"A tie." She smiled, "How unfortunate." 

"I suppose it is." She was mere inches from his face. Her beautiful blue eyes full of childish joy. Her lips were turned up in a smile that held his breath back in his lungs. He wanted to kiss her. He started to lean in to kiss her, when the door swung open. Rihari jumped and lost her footing when it was opened. Laughing as she crashed into the snow. 

"My heavens!" And old elf woman stood in the door way. "I thought I was about to have to drag some children back to their parents." She said disdainfully. "Keep it down, would ya? Trying to get me some sleep." 

Rihari was on her feet now. As Solas opened his mouth to speak, she spoke for him. "Ir abelas, hahren. We didn't mean to wake you." She flashed a shy smile, and the elderly woman's face softened, her wrinkles flattening out from the grimace she had held on her face just moments before. "We'll keep it down."

"Very well." The woman nodded before leaving the door. Solas lead a snickering Rihari inside and closed it behind her. 

She was very curious, and wanted to know what some of the lines said. She had a better connection to the Elvhen language than most he had seen. Alot of things she could read plainly, the words seemed to jump off the page and into her mind with perfect translation. However, sometimes she couldn't understand what was being said, and she would ask Solas to translate, those times she was frustrated. 

"How did you learn so much elvhen?" She closed the book and sat back against the wall behind his bed. 

"What do you mean by that?" He asked from his position at the foot of the bed. His head cocked slightly. 

"I mean how did you get to know Elvhen so well?" 

He paused, of course he couldn't tell her the truth; that he was an ancient elf himself, let alone the Dread Wolf. "I learned most of my knowledge in the Fade." 

"Of course." She smiled at him. "The Fade." Her smile fell through though. She looked troubled. 

"Are you well?" He asked her, scooting a little closer. He wanted to put the kind smile back on her face, to make her happy. 

"Yes. I was just thinking. All these things you know from the Fade," She looked at him thoughtfully, "Why do the Dalish not do that? Go learn our language and history from the Fade."

"Because, Rihari. The Fade reflects the people around it." He stated. "Also, knowledge is not found by those who do not seek it the correct way." The truth was that most of the language could not be found in the Fade. It was truly lost forever, only hanging around in those that cared to pass it down, and those that were like him. 

She nodded, clearly that response didn't quite explain it all. Then stretched out her arms over her head and yawned. "I need to be going. We have a big day tomorrow." Referring to them getting back out there to win the people's hearts. She grabbed her coat off the headboard and slipped it on. It was too soon, he wasn't ready for her to go, not to mention there's no way she was sleepy! She had just woke up a few hours ago. 

"Here, let me walk you." Solas said opening the door for her as she exited. They walked on in silence a moment before she bumped her shoulder against his playfully. He bit his lip to keep from grinning like a opossum. This all seemed so normal, so right, except she had no idea it was 

"You know, you're very mysterious." She said as they walked. 

"Ah, but so are you." He smiled at her and she smiled back. 

"I'm an open book." She stated, "But don't stop being you." A smile spread across her face. "I really like you for you. Mysteriousness and all." They had reached the cottage she stayed in. She turned to face him. Her eyes searching his. He melted under her gaze, his heart pounded, his lips itched to be against hers. In that moment he realized he could not stay away, not even if he wanted to, and he didnt. She was too vibrant, too stunning and infectious. 

"I like you for you, as well." He smiled, which only made her's grow. His heart ached, he wished they could be closer. Wished he could tell her everything, almost did, then thought better of it. 

"We'll talk later, yeah?" 

"Of course." Smile still on his lips. "Good night."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goes alongside Chapter 3 of "In Your Heart Shall Burn".
> 
> This entire piece goes alongside "In Your Heart Shall Burn", and with references and the background of "Making Fen'Harel."

The way that Rihari took down those bandits. It was the definition of grace, her arm reached back and pulled an arrow from the sling, landing it on her bow with one fluid movement. She never messed up, it was always perfectly done. The sound the bow made as the arrow flung from the string excited him, reminding him of another time. The thrum of the string seemed to reverberate around inside of his skull. She shot two men down by the time he pulled his staff around. 

The fight left him breathlessly amazed. He never realized how well she was with a bow before, but then again he only saw her shoot it once or twice during a battle back in Arlathan. He was watching her carefully as she wandered over to the fallen bandit leader. She rolled him over carefully, and searched his pockets. Her hand pulled from his pocket, a folded paper between her fingers. 

She opened it carefully, he watched the way her face changed from victorious, to dark and melancholy. Finally, her face turned hard as she crumpled the note and dropped it on top of the man's body. The breeze caught the crumpled page and it rolled away from the mans body, getting caught on his dead hand. P

"Let's go." Rihari grumbled. 

...

"..and when she smiled, the men actually looked afraid." Varric was telling a man sitting nearby. If anything Varric Tethras was good at exaggerating. "They didn't even know what hit them when she started hailing arrows down on them. Every shot was a fatal one. She single handedly took down at least ten of the men. It was amazing." 

Solas was watching Rihari, barely listening to the story, he wandered if she felt anything. A connection of any kind. He had brought up griffons with her, hoping for a spark. She had no reaction. It saddened him deeply that they had gone extinct. He knew the fate of his own griffon, and that of Felaern, Rihari's griffon. She had said she named him after her brother, she wandered if he would ever meet him, but couldn't just ask. 

Felaern was deeply depressed when Solas returned without Rihari. The poor animal was overcome with heart break. It took a lot of coaxing, but eventually he convinced him to fly with another. He refused to bond with him however, and often times refused to acknowledge the new rider's commands. A truly beautiful and loyal beast, until his last breath. 

Felaern was shot down in a battle in the sky by June, who saw the beast and assumed the rider to be Rihari. Solas had been angry, knowing this intention, and had lashed out, diving into the battle. His own griffon was slain that day as well, stabbed through a fault in his armor. The blade severed an artery and the great beast bled out quickly, but he fought until his heart quit. An honorable death. 

When the animal drew it's last breath and it's great spirit fled it's body, Solas felt the connection break. It was the feeling of loss, but it was so much more. It was like a feeling that he couldn't remember how to explain. It had broken his heart, and he never rode with another. 

His attention snapped to the present, his eyes were still on her, yet she did not notice. Rihari rolled her eyes playfully, tugging a smile to his lips that he bit the inside of his lip to hide. She looked over to Cassandra who looked like she would explode if Varric continued to chatter on. The fued between the two was funny, but understandable.

"Varric, are you saying that she is a better shot than you?" Cassandra asked jokingly. Varric just slatted his eyes at her. 

Solas was sipping on a tankard of water as he looked on with feigned disinterest. Rihari locked eyes with him, and a smile spread across her face, pulling at his heart strings. "Hey, do you want to get out of here?" He thought his heart might explode, yes of course he did! He wanted to leap with enthusiam, jump up and twirl her around and kiss her soft smile. He contained himself externally, the corners of his lips twitched into a half smile as he nodded. 

They walked on the outskirts of Haven. It was cold, but the wind did not blow so the cold had less of a bite. He was content with the silent trek, enjoying the simple luxury of her time and company. They made their way down to an old dock overlooking a blue, frozen lake. She sighed at its beauty in the dying light. 

"Why did you stay?" She asked him. 

He chuckled. "Well, if our enemies destroy the world, I would have no where to lay my head as I dream of the Fade." I would not be able to see you if I left. 

She smiled. "That's very true." 

"In truth, I have enjoyed experiencing more of life to find more of the Fade." Truthful now. 

"How so?" She looked over to him. His eyes couldn't help quickly sliding over her soft face. 

He smiled, a genuine smile. "You train to flick a dagger or an arrow to its target. The grace with which you move is a pleasing side benefit." He tried not to inch closer, but caught himself moving a little bit before stopping himself. It was too fast, she might suspect something. "You have chosen a path whose steps you do not dislike because it leads to a destination you enjoy. As have I."

"So you're suggesting I'm graceful?" She beamed as she stepped a bit closer. 

Another smile, he knew she would catch that, he meant for her to. "No, I am declaring it. It was not a subject for debate."

She didn't hide the blush of her cheeks, or the magnificent smile that spread across her lips. "Hmm." She purred behind her smile. 

"So.. you trust these spirits not to turn on you as soon as you accidentally make a wish?" She asked. Her eyes glinted in the dim light, reflecting all of his hopes and dreams. 

"Do you trust your friends not to turn on you?" He asked seriously. 

"Well.. yes. But they are people."

Solas smiled a sad smile. "Ah. Of course." It saddened him that she had forgotten about the spirits she had been friends with in Arlathan. That she had forgotten all of the things she had learned. Of course, the fact that she didn't remember was on him. He had took those memories from her, and how he regretted it. 

Though he assumed at this time she wouldn't remember anyways, because she had not been to the past yet. Time travel was mind boggling, and no matter how much he pondered over it, it didn't make sense. 

Her brow furrowed. "No. I mean. Well, you know what I mean."

He was intrigued as well as disappointed. "Are people only people because they are flesh and blood?" He waited for her reply only a beat before continuing. "Is Cassandra defined by her cheekbones and not her faith? Varric by his chest hair and not his wits?" The chest hair joke won him a smile and chuckle from her. He loved the way she laughed. He tried to be serious about the matter, but couldn't help the smile tugging at his lips. 

"You have a real interesting way of looking at the world, Solas." She inched closer even, now only about a foot away from him. Creators he wanted to touch her, he wanted to brush his lips against hers, to wrap her in his arms. He wanted it so bad he ached deep in his bones. He was hyper aware of how hard his heart was beating, he was vaguely afraid that she might hear it over the silence of winter.

He smiled as he inched ever so closer, though he tried to hold himself back. The moment reminded him of a memory in a dimly lit study. He had tried so hard not to touch her, not to reach out, but his hand had found it's way to her cheek. Then his lips had found hers, almost unkowingly. A moment that would forever be important to him, and always linger in his mind. A connection had been solidified in that moment, and it had lasted all these years. 

"I try.. and that isn't quite an answer." 

Her smile lit up the dimly lit world. "I look forward to helping you make new friends." 

"That would be.. well." He said. He watched as she looked away a moment, over the lake, the braid of hair flipping over to the front of her perfectly pointed ear. His hand itched to move it. To be able to touch her skin, if only a moment. He had waited so long, he deserved one touch. 

She looked back with a smile, looking deeply into his eyes, causing his breath to catch in his lungs. "That isn't quite an answer either." She almost whispered the words, too caught up in the moment to worry about what was being said anymore. He felt his hand moving up to her face, his fingers lightly brushed her cheek as he tucked the stray braided hairs behind her ear. Her breath caught as his fingers touched her skin, but she never took her eyes off of his. 

What am I doing? Solas asked himself. It was not the right time. No.. its too fast, not yet.. no never. It would never be the right time. A pointless argument that either way he would lose. 

He dropped his hand to his side. She saw the sudden sadness in his eyes, and she wondered what she had done wrong. He wanted to tell her everything, but no words came. It didn't matter anyways, she couldn't know. "What's wrong?" She asked, stepping back from him a few inches. 

His mouth went dry. His brain scrambled for the right words. "I.." am the Dread Wolf and we were in love in the past that you cannot remember. No. "I am sorry, I am just tired from our journeys." What a pitiful excuse, he kicked himself mentally. 

"Oh." Her smile fell from her face and slithered down to the ground. He could imagine it slithering away over the frozen lake, running away from him in an attempt to be rid of the sadness he would bring. "Oh, I see." She looked back over the lake, reflecting the rise of the moon now. "Well, umm. We will talk later then?"

He nodded his head. "Yes. Goodbye" He turned to leave but halted mid stride a few feet away, turning back to look at her from the end of the dock, the cold light of the winter moon glimmering in his eyes and reflecting the confusion in hers. "I'm sorry." She didn't know what he was sorry for, but he did. He was sorry for everything he had done, especially this. She didn't understand, and she never could. She never would. He would ruin her, like he ruined his people. Like he ruined himself.


	7. Reveal AU

An AU in which Solas tells Rihari "the truth". Instead of changing his mind and leaving her. And that truth is the past they shared that she can't remember. 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

I realize this is a little early in the storyline to be written, but it is an AU so that doesn't matter too much. Read it and weep.   
I'll put it where it needs to be when the time comes.   
\------------------------------------------------------------------

He decided that he had to tell her the truth. All of it. Who he was, what had happened. He couldn't hold it in any longer. This secret that he had held on his own for over a thousand years was beginning to drive him mad, and it was time she knew. Everything. 

It had taken weeks to plan, he had asked that Josephine be sure they had off time, had asked Scout Harding to ensure the passage would be a safe one. He had planned everything to a tee. If he was going to do this, he had to do it well. He had no idea how she would react to all of this, he had no idea what she would do once her memory had been restored. He had to be ready for anything.

...

"The veil is thin here" Solas smiled at their clasped hands and then at her smiling face. "Can you feel it, tingling on your skin?" 

"Yes." She blushed. "It's very romantic here." She cocked a slender eyebrow. 

"Ar lath ma, vhenan." He had chosen this place because the veil was so thin here, it made him feel at home, and it would make his spell easier to cast and the effects less intense. 

She flashed a happy smile. "Ar lath ma ma'arlath." His heart pounded in his chest, threatening to burst through his ribcage and flee to some place where he could stop causing it so much distress.

She was looking around the cavern, taking in the soft light, the sweet smell of elfroot, the glimmer of magic that washed over her skin, promising good things to come. He took in a steadying breath as he took her hand in his own, turning her towards him with the action. 

"I was trying to determine someway to show you what you mean to me." He hoped his voice didn't waver as he spoke. 

"I already know, Solas. You're my.." 

"That is the question, is it not?" He interrupted. "For now the best gift I can offer you.. the truth." A deep breath, a smile. He was going to do this. "You are unique. In all of Thedas, I never expected to find someone that could draw my attention from the Fade." He smiled at her brightly, a smile that felt young and careless. "You have become important to me. More important than I could have imagined."

She smiled brightly. "As you are to me."

"Then I must tell you.." He trailed, releasing her hands, and taking a small step back. "The truth.." his smile fell, his face turned grim with fear, yet hope hid behind the blue of his eye. Her eyes scanned his grim features with a glint of unease. "Rihari, I am not who you think I am."

She cracked a grin, a laugh broke through her lips. "Oh, yeah? And who are you then?" She thought this was a game, a joke, a plan to make a jab. She turned serious when she realized that he was not smiling. Her smile fell, her head canted slightly. "Who are you then?" Defensiveness slid over her features like a soft blanket. 

He offered his hand again. "Come. I will show you." She placed her hand in his uncertainly. His hand was clammy with nerves. He knew that his slimy hand didn't escape her notice, but she said nothing. The more nervous he got, the more nervous she would get. He helped her sit down on a small boulder, and kneeled down in front of her. 

"Solas, you're scaring me." Her words were breathy and nervous. Understandable, but she need not fear him. 

"Do not be afraid, da'ean." He gave a soft reassuring smile. "I am going to cast a spell. You will remember some things that you formerly did not. Only if you are willing." 

She considered for a long moment. A moment that his mind filled with thoughts of discomfort. A moment that his heart beat filled his ears, whooshing so loudly that he almost didn't hear her speak. "Okay." She finally mumbled. He could see how afraid and nervous she was. He didn't want her to be, he wasn't going to harm her. He was more afraid of what she would do with the newfound information. 

He tipped her chin up so their eyes were level. "Trust me, vhenan. I would not hurt you." A flash of memory came back to him. Suffocating her to death so that she would pass back to her own time. That was different though, wasn't it? Suddenly he was afraid. That would not go over well when she remembered it. It was too late to go back. 

She nodded softly. "Do it." 

He reached his hands up, his fingers trailed softly down the sides of her face. "Ar lath ma, Rihari." He said softly. He brought his fingers back up to either side of her forehead and pressed his own forehead there. Their breaths mingled together for a moment. "Close your eyes." He whispered. He waited for her eyes to flutter shut before he closed his own and focused his energy on restoring what had been lost. 

He could feel the pieces of her memories leaving his mind, pulsing over into her own. When the first memories took hold of her, he knew from the sharp intake of breath. He held his breath, his brow stitched together in fear as the last pieces of her left his mind. She was silent, he couldn't even hear her breathing. Her skin felt cold against his own and for a moment he was terrified, he pulled back from her. 

Her eyes were open wide, and they locked into his own, but they were empty. She was in shock, it was smeared over her face like dirt after a long journey. Her mouth hung open a bit, she likely didn't even realize she was holding her breath. 

"Rihari?" Her eyes came to life at the use of her name. 

Tears slowly formed in her eyes. She licked her lips, they twitched a few times, trying to make words. "You.." Her bottom lip wobbled as a tear slid down her cheek. 

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into him and off the rock she had perched on. He had to sit on the ground so that he could hold her, but he did so willingly. Emotion swelled in his chest as she silently cried. He had no idea what would come next, had no idea how she would react. 

"You're Fen'Harel." Her words were soft. 

He pursed his lips. "Yes."

"You saved them.. the people."

"I tried." 

She sat back and locked eyes onto him. There were so many questions, she didn't know where to start. He didn't either. 

"I know how this must look.." He started.

Her eyes turned accusing. "You killed me?"

He was silent a moment while his heart stopped. "Yes, however-"

"No need.You thought you had to." She said coldly. 

"Rihari, I did have to." She stood and backed away. He scrambled to his feet as well. He reached for her in vain. She stepped further away. His heart swelled with sadness at her avoidance of his touch. He dropped his hand to his side, this wasn't supposed to go this way, she needed to understand. "If I would not have sent you back, you would have died in battle." She looked on suspiciously. 

"My second in command was killed by June while riding your griffon. He intended to kill you, thought smugly that he had."

Her surprise was genuine. "Felaern?" Her mind slid over the memory of the griffon and snatched it up, immediately there was a connection in her soul that she could feel, yet remained absent. 

"Sadly so." She looked like she may cry again, a tragedy he wasn't prepared to bare.   
"He was glad to join you in death." Solas looked at the dirt between his feet. "He refused to be rode or commanded by another, threatened to kill many who tried. He would only be rode into battle, hoping he may die and join his master, I imagine." 

They were silent, the sounds of nighttime animals chirped and buzzed. An owl hooted somewhere nearby, and some bats flew by overhead, dipping ever so slightly into the cavern and catching bugs that stirred above the open water. 

"Solas.." He raised his eyes to meet her. She had stepped closer as his mind had wandered and his eyes had been focused on the dirt at his feet. "Ir abelas, vhenan." She stepped into him, and his arms wrapped themselves around her body, pulling her close. He breathed her in deeply, finally it was all in the open. Nothing left to hide. 

Despite it all, it felt good to not have the pressure of this bearing down on him alone. A selfish thought, but true nonetheless. 

"No. I am sorry. I had to kill you to send you back, but I did not wish you to remember it, so I took it all. All of your memories of our time together. I thought I was helping you. Now I believe that I was wrong in making that decision for you."

"No, don't blame yourself. You made the decision you thought was right. That's all you can do, yeah?"

"Are you afraid of me?" He asked softly, his voice almost broke with emotion. His body tensed up with the possibility of it being so.

"No." She replied quickly. He let out a relieved sigh and his body relaxed. She moved out of his arms as she spoke again. "Solas I.. I think I need some time. Alone." She was confused, exhausted, angry even, but not afraid. "I need to think. Sort all of this out."

Solas's body froze up. He didn't want to be away from her, not now that she knew everything. He wanted to answer all of her questions, he knew that she had plenty. "If you wish." He stated, lips pursed. 

"It is. I just.. I need.." Her eyes connected softly with his own, pleading him to understand the meaning of her gibberish. 

"I know." He said solemnly. "I will meet you back at camp." He turned away, starting his journey back to the Inquisition camp. 

"Solas.. wait." She started after him.

He turned back and she collided with his body, pushing her lips on his own with meaningful intent. She pulled back and made loving eye contact. "I love you, yeah? Don't think I don't just because I need to think. We'll work through this. And I am glad you shared this with me." She smiled softly. 

"I love you as well, and I will not think of it." 

"Good. I'll be after you soon. Don't wait up." He nodded a soft agreement before heading out. 

...

The walk back took only about thirty minutes, it was getting later into the evening, about the twentieth hour of the day. The camp's inhabitants had began setting up for sleep, but Solas wouldn't be sleeping. 

"Where is the Inquisitor?" Scout Harding asked, jumping to her feet. She had personally escorted their carriage here, making sure the Inquisitor was safe. 

"She is well." Solas reassured her. "She will be along shortly.

"Oh. Well, how did it go?"

He sighed. "Not like I had hoped."

"That bad, huh?"

"I am uncertain." He replied in earnest. 

She had told him not to wait up, but he had. She showed up about an hour later, strolled into camp like no one's business. He stood at her approach, happy to see her face. 

"A word?" She asked as she passed by, heading back outside of camp. 

He walked right behind her towards the treeline. Lightening bugs lit up along the treeline, lighting the night ever so lightly in their dull glow. 

"I never would have suspected it." She stated as they reached the safety of the trees. "That you were Fen'Harel I mean."

"That was the idea." He replied as they walked. Dead leaves crunched softly under his bare feet.

"Well, why though?" A brisk breeze tingled over his skin, and pushed her hair back a few strands at a time.

"At first it was to start over in the world I had helped mold. I wished to be a nobody, to wander Thedas, find you, explore the Fade."

"At first?" She watched him carefully as they walked. 

"Yes." He wasn't entirely prepared to answer that question. 

"What changed?" It was clear she wasn't going to let that go. 

"The people.." He frowned deeply. "I had expected to find them flourishing, but they were in worse condition than before."

"What? They're free now.."

"No." He shook his head hard. "They can call it what they wish, but they are not free. They live in alienages as the lowest class of citizens, or they live as drifters in the forests clinging to ideas that are mistold thousands of times."

"Perhaps, but at least the Dalish are trying."

"Yes, but.." He trailed off. 

"What?" She halted her stride. They were far enough from camp anyways. A fox peeked around a tree trunk at them. A crow sqwauked overhead. The fox jumped and fled the scene at the sound. Frogs croaked nearby, and crickets sang their nighttime song. Fireflies floated by lazily, enhancing the moment. 

"My love.. it was like walking through a world of Tranquil. They have lost their connection to the Fade. Their magical abilities are lost to time.. spirits are feared rather than respected. They cling to ideas of Halamshiral, to Arlathan.. what they think they know." He sighed and shook his head sadly. "They know nothing."

"But we aren't tranquil." She reminded him. "We have free will, we feel love and joy and pain. We're real." 

He considered a long moment, but said nothing. He had nothing to say that would please her. The look in his eye didn't escape her though. She knew what it meant, he had planned something. 

"What are you going to do?" She asked cautiously. Despair welled up in his chest. He didn't want to say. It had been a hard decision to make to begin with, but saying it would solidify it. 

"I have to right my wrong."

"How?"

"I will tear down the veil, return the people to their former glory."

"But won't that release the Others?" She asked fearfully. 

"Yes." 

She gasped. "They will kill you.. they will kill us all."

His eyes were full of hurt. "No. Not all."

She squinted her eyes in confusion. "What does that mean?"

"Vhenan... when I tear down the veil, this world will die." 

She took a involuntary step back. "What?" He nodded sadly. "Does that mean.." Her thought trailed off as she considered it all. 

"Yes." He answered even though she had no finished. Her face turned dark with hurt. 

"What about me? Us?" He could see her jaw flexing even in the dark of the forest. 

"I hoped that your connection to the past, and to the Fade would save you." 

"And the others?" 

"I am uncertain of what the outcome will be for those not connected to the Fade." He replied honestly. 

"Why though?"

"I cannot bear to watch the people live like this. I would restore what was lost, and deal with the Evanuris myself. Even if it meant this world would die." He struggled for the words to make this right.

She remained silent a long time, chewing on the inside of her cheek as she contemplated the consequences. "I want to help you." 

Her words shocked him. He had been sure that her reaction would be the opposite. He thought through it all at warp speed, she would be safest at his side, he could research a way to make sure she wasn't harmed. Yes, it could work. Maybe, and having the Inquisitor a part of his overall plans could help his cause. She was in a place of respected power, with many connections. 

"Okay." He said. "Yes. I would like that." 

She sighed heavily. "This is insane. I'm going to be part of a rebellion? Just like that? How will this even work?"

"I.." He shook his head in disbelief at it all. He couldn't believe this had finally happened, he couldn't believe this was her reaction. "I need some time. There are considerations I should make before hand."

She nodded. "When will this start?"

"It already has, vhenan."

Her brows stitched together in confusion and light betrayal. "What?"

A smile tugged at his lips. "I am the God of Deception, yes? Did you think I would start a rebellion without making unseen preparations?" He looked at her thoughtfully. "I have set up spies in the ranks of all empires, Orlais, Fereldan, Tevinter, even the Inquisition. Of course I have made allies in the alienages throughout Thedas, and even some Dalish. They are gathering allies, helping to find others like myself, activating artifacts that weaken the veil." 

"You have spies in the Inquisition?" She snorted. "Right under my nose, and I was too distracted to see." She sat down on the large roots of a tree to ground herself. She kicked off her boots and let her toes feel the cool dirt of the forest floor. 

"Yes, not what I intended, but you may not have noticed even without the distraction. I have been discreet."

She kind of huffed. An adorable sound that slid out of her throat with such deliberate meaning. He smiled despite her intent. 

"What?"

He sat beside her and cupped her hand in his cheek. "You are so.." he considered a moment, unsure what word to use. So many came rushing at him all at once. He paused too long, the word he would have said was left unspoken as he pressed his lips softly against her own. 

Her body had been stiff when he had touched her cheek, but she softened under the weight of his kiss. Her lips danced against his own in wistful harmony, begging for more after each parting. 

Finally, he pulled back from her and leaned his forehead against her cheek. His heart hammered desperately in his chest, his lungs expelled his breaths too quickly. He took a deep steadying breath in an attempt to calm himself. "I am glad to have you know of the past." 

"Me too." She said softly as she reached for her shoes. "But we should not act differently. They might notice." 

He nodded solemnly. It was true, they had to keep up the charade lest the others become suspicious. "Indeed. We should speak of these things only in private."

"We should head back.." she stated. He nodded his reply.

As they lay awake in their tent quietly, crickets chirping and cicadas buzzing, their minds wandered to different places. Her mind slid over the memories she now had. His mind played with the idea of what came next. He had a vague plan of action. As long as things went as planned, almost everything would stay the same. 

He couldn't be certain, but he thought this was a good thing. He thought he could control the outcome yet. He hoped at least that this would work out, if nothing else did. Slowly, his mind became foggy as sleep tugged at his consciousness. He drifted off with a smile pulling on his lips unknowing that Rihari cried silent tears beside him. 

She wasn't crying because of who he was or what he planned to do. She wasn't crying because she didn't agree with him or because she planned to break it off. None of those things crossed her mind. The thing that struck her as saddening was all that had been lost when he put up the Veil. She remembered the way magic had tingled around his form, begging to be used by someone so powerful. The way his eyes took a different shade when he snagged the energy and used it to do his bidding. 

She recalled her friend, Liara, so sweet and understanding. Liara had always helped her and believed in her. So many like her had been lost to the cause that was only being reversed. 

The way that the Fade was almost one with the waking world. How magic could be willed to your fingertips just by wanting it to be so. The way the almost unbearably bright crystalline structures shone in the light of the sun as they floated weightlessly among the clouds. 

All of these things were gone, poofed away in an instant by the veil. She missed a part of a past that she had never even belonged to.


	8. Chapter 8

A long time ago:

Solas had been up since dawn studying and shuffling through books in his study, looking for hints or clues to this so called "rift in time". If this even truly existed, he had found no knowledge of it. He was going absolutely mad with all o this unknown knowledge that he couldn't tap into, that he couldn't find any whispers of in the Fade. 

He groaned as he rubbed his eyes and sat back in the chair. His mind reeled as he pondered the possibility that she was crazy. He couldn't accept that, though. She seemed so convinced of her story, and she knew him. It was possible they had met somewhere before and he just didn't remember it, but the mark.. he just didn't know what to believe right then. 

He needed a break from this work, he was becoming irritated the longer he searched and found nothing. It was almost noon and he assumed that Rihari may be looking for him. 

He strolled out of the study and saw some servants slouching around. He snapped his fingers at them and they almost jumped out of their skin with embarrassment and fear. He didn't have the patience to deal with them at the moment so he just continued to the stairs. 

On the second floor, ballroom, he saw her. She was looking out the window on the far wall. He walked over on soft feet and wrapped his arms around her waist. She smiled and touched her fingers softly to his arms. 

"What are you looking at?" he asked. 

She sighed and turned in his arms so she faced him. "The city," she said softly, "it's  beautiful." A smile.

He kissed her softly, barely brushing his lips against her own. "Ma ina'lan'ehn da'ean." He brushed some stray hairs back from her face as he spoke. She hid her gaze as her cheeks turned bright pink, a soft smile pulled at the edges of her mouth. His heart was so full.

That memory always seemed to stay with him, the way her skin seemed to shine in the sun from the window. The glint in her eye when he called her beautiful, the softness of her hair against his cheek. Everything about that moment was perfect. It was such a simple moment, yet one that stayed with him. 

He was clearly lost in thought when Varric strode over. He almost didn't hear him speak. 

"My apologies. What did you say?" Solas asked. 

"We're going to Val Royeaux. Gather your things." He repeated. 

...

Solas saw her shaking her head and canted his head slightly. "What is it?" He whispered loudly as he approached. 

She laughed. "This is ridiculous, yeah?" Heavens, he loved when she said that. When she added that "yeah" on the end of a sentence, making it a question. However, he didn't know what she spoke of so she continued, "this city, the people. It's like a show." He nodded his head in agreement. 

"Well, would you look there," she said walking over to the edge of the upper city, peering over the ledge. "The Chantry sisters have finally arrived." 

"What will you do?" Solas asked. He hadn't thought of it before, but now he was curious of her actions. 

"Ask them to join or die." She looked over at him dramatically, and then laughed, a bubbly laugh that dragged a smile from him. "No. I will try and reason with them, maybe they can see that I am not against them."

"A fine plan." He nodded to her. Her smile was blinding in its beauty. It was hard to not like Rihari. His heart squeezed everytime her joyous eyes looked at him, everytime her smile lit up the day with the light of a thousand suns. It was hard to see past her, it had always been hard to see past her. 

They made their way back down to the City streets, where they met up with Varric and Cassandra. 

"Thank the Maker!" Cassandra rushed over to Rihari. "I was afraid you would never make it in time. We must hurry." She said excitedly, grabbing her wrist and pulling the Herald up towards the front of the crowd. When the Chantry Sisters saw the blasphemous Herald of Andraste, and that she was indeed a Dalish elf, they scowled deeply. Not a surprise, the humans had always thought less of the elves, it was in their nature to do so. 

"Good people of Val Royeaux, hear me." She swept her arms up dramatically as she spoke. "Together we mourn our divine. Her naive and beautiful heart, silenced in treachery!" Here she dropped her hands, and walked forward slowly. Her eyes burned holes into Rihari's face. "You wonder what will become of her murderer. Well, wonder no more!" The woman raised her hand and motioned to where the blasphemous Herald stood. "Behold, the so called Herald of Andraste. Claiming to rise where our beloved fell!" The crowd chattered nervously. People around the Herald began inching away, not wanting to catch whatever evil she possessed. He was honestly disgusted by their actions. 

The woman's face did not hide her disdain nor her anger towards the Dalish elf. "We say this is a false prophet! No servant of anything beyond her selfish greed. The Maker would send no Elf, in our time of need." Others in the crowd yelled their agreements with whoops and hollers. This disgusted and angered him further. What was the meaning of that statement? 

Rihari stepped forward with a smile on her lips. "Dear Chantry Mothers," She spun and looked into the crowd as well. "Blessed people of Val Royeaux." She turned back to the woman on stage. "We came here in peace, only to talk. And this is what you do? I implore you, let us sit down together and discuss the real threat." Solas was watching the back of her head, staring into that abyss of black hair that he knew held a smile on the other side. He felt his lips pulling into a smile, he cleared his throat to be rid of it. Even after the insult of merely being Elvhen, she had handled the situation with spiteful grace, proving that she was better than petty jabs at her origin or other. 

"It's true, Blessed Mother, the Inquisition wishes only to end this madness before it is too late." Cassandra stepped up to the plate and gave it a shot, however it was a lost cause. 

"It is already too late!" The woman motioned to the approaching Templars. Solas found himself slatting his eyes at the warriors. "The Templars have returned to the Chantry. They will face this 'Inquisition' and the people will be safe once more." As she finished speaking a smile spread across her lips, but it was short lived as a Templar hit her in the back of the head. She fell to the floor of the stage with a cry. The people in the surrounding crowd all gasped and backed away. Rihari stood her ground though, head held high, another thing Solas thought was amazing. Was she not afraid of this small army? If she were, he couldn't tell.

One man moved in to help the woman up, but the Lord Seeker stopped him, shoving him back into his place. "Still yourself, she is beneath us." He said it loud enough for everyone to hear, then he turned his beady eyes on Rihari. Solas felt rage bubble up in his chest, if he were not so weak, and undercover, he would kill the man where he stood for even glancing at her that way. 

She gave a dry laugh that Solas thought was similar to a hiss from a snake, saying "warning, don't try me, I bite". "What? Was that supposed to impress me?" The disdain slithering across the man's face was not lost on any of the bystanders. Perhaps she did not need his help, she was fierce all by herself. 

"I think not." The man said curtly. "Her claim to authority is an insult. Much like your own." He turned to leave. 

Cassandra went after him. "Lord Seeker Lucius, it is imperative that we speak with-"

He didn't halt his stride as he spoke. "You will not address me." Cassandra appeared to be taken aback, not expecting this from one of her own. Solas was surprised as well, but only vaguely. 

"Lord Seeker?" She asked with heavy confusion. 

Lucius turned on his heel, his face flushed red with anger. "Creating a heretical movement, raising up a puppet as Andraste's chosen. You should be ashamed." He turned his reptilian eyes on the crowd. "You should all be ashamed! The Templars failed no one when we left the Chantry to purge the mages." He raised his hand in a dagger point towards the Chantry Sisters. "You are the ones who have failed. You are the ones who'd leash our righteous swords with doubt and fear." He lowered his voice and slatted his eyes at Rihari. "If you came here to appeal to the Chantry, you are too late. The only destiny here that demands respect is mine." 

"That doesn't matter! The breach has to be closed." Rihari told him. "Templars, join as Commander Cullen did! We need an alliance to help seal the breach."

The man sneered. "Oh, the breach is indeed a threat, but you certainly have no power to do anything about it." 

Oh, how wrong he was. This man knew nothing of the Breach, or of what the anchor could do. Solas barely knew, it had been an unexpected side effect. 

The man that had been conflicted earlier about helping the Chantry Mother approached. "But Lord Seeker, what if she really was sent by the Maker. What if-"

Another man stepped up to him. "You are called to a higher purpose. Do not question it!" The Seeker watched this exchange without a word. 

"I will make the Templar order a power to stand alone against the void." He boasted. "We deserve recognition. Independence!" He leered at Rihari, "You have shown me nothing. And the Inquisition..less than nothing." He turned his attention to his soldiers but kept his eyes on the Inquisition. "Templars, Val Royeaux is unworthy of our protection. We march."

Varric approached from where the crowd had stood, but now was dispersing in a cloud of murmurs and anxious glances. "He's a charming fellow isn't he?"

"Has Lord Seeker Lucius gone mad?" Cassandra asked. "He was always a decent man. Never given to grandstanding. This is odd."

"Well," Rihari said with heavy sarcasm, "It doesn't look like we will be getting any help from the Templars."

"I wouldn't write them off so quickly. There must be those in the order that see what he has become. Either way, we should return to Haven and inform the others." 

An arrow crashing into the ground caught their attention. Rihari jumped when it happened, swinging her bow over her head, ready to shoot whoever dared. There was no one. 

"Look, a note." Solas motioned to the arrow. Rihari did not put away her weapon, but walked over and plucked the broken arrow up. She removed the red piece of paper carefully. Solas couldn't see what it said, but she folded it carefully and put it in her pocket. 

.....

"Ridiculous!" She yelled at the closed door of their hotel room. "I can't belive elves can only have certain rooms here." Her face was blood red. A stark contrast to her pale skin and dark hair, still magnificently beautiful. Solas chuckled softly, and then regretted it when her fiery eyes landed on him. He thought of her lashing out, yelling at him and he couldn't handle the picture it created in his mind. Her lips pulled into a light smile, however, and her face softened before she laughed as well.

"I just think it's silly. We're part of the Inquisition. Why can't we stay with the others?" 

"The people of Orlais are not fond of the elves." he smiled. When he had first woken up, he had been greatly insulted by the treatment he recieved. Now he didn't care, he had his cause, and he would stay true. "At least, not unless they are serving them food or scrubbing their floors." It was a horrible jab at a joke. It was something of an insult to them both, but they could do nothing on the matter now other than joke, and somehow it felt okay since they were elves themselves.

She snorted. "Right. Well, if they think I'm not gonna wreck this shitty hotel room they'd be wrong. Damn shems." 

Solas nodded, but she was looking around the shabby room. She was calculating what to wreck first, he could see it in her eyes. 

It didn't matter, they expected them to act like savages. Regardless of what they did, they would likely talk. 

.....

He was drifting off to sleep when she sighed loudly. Loud enough that she could be sure that Solas heard.  He smiled softly in the dark and rolled over to face her. It was cold, he could see her breath even now, but he had called on fire to warm him. 

"It's so cold." She whispered to him, breath poofing out from her mouth as steam when she spoke. He smiled brightly, she was adorable.  "Couldn't you cast a spell? Warm me up?"

He knew he could. He could call fire to his fingertips and rub them down her body.. he stopped that thought short. Creators, how he wanted to, but he would not. It would be too soon. "I am afraid not." He heard her scoff, saw a puff of white billow from her mouth. Was it that cold?

"I know you can cast warming spells. How else would you be able to never wear shoes?" She was still whispering like a child up after bedtime, which he found slightly silly.

"I can warm myself with the help of fire. But I cannot cast fire on your body." 

"Uggghhh." She grunted. Then after a beat she asked, "What can you do?" 

"I am uncertain." He stated quietly, though that was a lie. He could press his body against her, warm her with the touch of his skin. Memories of her smiling around his kisses floated through his mind. 

"We could scoot the beds together." She shivered as she spoke. "You could cast it then, yeah?" He loved when she said that so much, but he didnt think moving closer was a good idea, his sleepy state made his mind foggy. He wanted to be closer to her every second of the day, but he didn't want to move things too fast. He wasn't sure they should even pursue a relationship, it would only lead to trouble when she discovered the truth. 

"Please," she whispered, cutting through his train of thought. "I can't sleep, it's too cold." 

He sighed. "Okay." 

They moved the beds together into the middle of the room, against the far wall. And squeezed under their respective blankets. Her back pressed against his own through the blankets. Her body was cold beside him. Had they really thought this arrangement safe when they assigned them to it?

She rolled in his direction. "Will you help me warm up now?" He rolled over as well and looked at her messy hair and groggy face. He wanted to kiss her, to tell her how much she meant, how absolutely beautiful she was right now. His body ached with a need to touch her. How could he say no to her? 

"How about we stack our blankets together. The body heat should then keep us both warm." She nodded, but he could swear he almost saw disappointment in her eyes. He was disappointed too, he wanted so bad to rub his hands on her body, to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight. 

Under the combined blankets it was very warm. As he drifted off he had time to think. He wanted to touch her so bad, he had wanted to immediately say "yes", scoot the beds together, and rub his hands down her face, onto her perfect waist. He wanted to rub his hands on her thighs and feel her breath stall as he let fire warm her body. He wanted to press his lips onto hers and taste her mouth. He imagined slipping off her leathers, revealing her perfect skin, so smooth. His consciousness yanked at memories from a time long forgotten, her skin rubbing softly against his own. Their lips mingling together as he ran his fingers down her sides, leaving trails of magic that made her tremble. 

In another moment he drifted off to sleep and slipped into the Fade, where he could truly visit his memories. 

Sunlight pricked through his eyelids, stirring him awake. He laid with his eyes closed, just enjoying the early morning bliss of waking up. Rihari was curled up against his side, her leg over his leg, her arm slung across his body and her face pressed against his shoulder and bare chest. He smiled and rolled into her, wrapping his arms around her without waking her. His face instinctively pressed into her hair and breathed her in deeply. 

A moment later he realized where he was. Reality came rushing back all at once. His eyes snapped open and looked down to her face on his arm, still asleep. His heart ached and big clunky butterflies flapped around in his belly. He lay there a few moments more watching her breathe. 

He wanted to kiss her, and who would ever know he had done so? He shouldn't, he told himself he couldn't. But he did. He pressed his lips softly against her cheek, his eyes fluttered shut against the emotion that swelled through his entire body. It was selfish and wrong, he knew he shouldn't have done it, but he had. 

He slid his arm out from under her carefully and slid out of bed. He dressed quickly and left the room without waking her. Time to get to work. 

 

\-------------------------------------  
Translations:  
Ma ina'lan'ehn da'ean - my beautiful/gorgeous little bird.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (NSFW)
> 
> ** Violence **

Before the Veil:

"My Lord."

Fen'Harel closed his eyes, his fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I have already requested to not be called that." He was putting himself apart from the others. He would not be counted as one of them, he wouldn't be seen as more than a man. He wouldn't. 

The man scratched at a loose string at his wrist. "Yes, sir. Meant nothing but respect."

Fen'Harel faced him and dropped his hand, his entire demeanor changing from annoyed to strong and solid. The scouts among him straightened and stood at attention. A show of respect, and of course, of his certain eye on them. "Report, Gillian."

The head scout passed a crystal to him carrfully, being sure to not touch it with his own skin. Fen'Harel looked at it carefully before calling up magic to grasp it for him. The air itself seemed to obey and bend to his will. The shard came up to rest in front of his nose, effortlessly. He examined it carefully. 

"The power within?"

"No sir," the scout reported. "Not power. Information. 'Tis from a thousand dead souls. Information that may help in your plot against the Old Ones."

"Very well," Fen'Harel let it drop to the surface of the war table. There were few markers left, the scratches and marks that scattered the paper land were good indicators of the progress of the war. They were losing. They had been losing for quite some time. 

47 days, 18 hours. 

47 days and 18 hours since he had killed his one love and sent her back to her own time without a single memory of what had happened. Things had only gotten worse since her departure, but he was glad he had sent her with recent events. 

"Anything else?" A woman by the door was looking at him intently, but said nothing. He showed no outward indicator that he noticed. "Dismissed." The scouts filed out. Once the door was closed the woman stepped forward. Fen'Harel had not seen her before, he was sure of it. 

"My, my, Dread Wolf," she spoke sharply around a slick smile. His blood ran cold. 

He turned back with a smirk, but remained silent. He'd let her make the moves. 

"June sends his regards."

"Ah. June sent you?" His smile stretched a little wider. 

"No," she squinted slightly. She stood proudly before him, mimicking his stature earlier. 

"Who then?" She tsked at his question, indicating it was the wrong one to ask. His patience was wearing thin, holes tearing through the worn veil of time he felt could be wasted doing this. 

He fade stepped towards her quickly. It was unexpected and when he slid back into being he slammed his weight against her and her back slammed against the stone wall. Her eyes were full of shock, but not fear. His hand dug into her shoulder and pinned her against the wall. She reached for a dagger at her waist and he shot flames down at her hand, blistering the skin upon impact. She yelped in pain, set her jaw, and looked into his eyes. 

Fen'Harel's grin was wide and his eyes were light as he peered back. He saw a flicker of fear light behind her pupils, a spark. Now he just had to light the fire. 

"Who sent you?"

"You won't get nothing from me. Except the letter in my pocket." Fen'Harel shoved his hand into her pockets until he found the letter. He ripped it open as she attempted to move from his grasp he slammed her back against the wall with his forearm across her chest. 

He read the letter quickly, a matter of seconds passed and then he simply dropped it to the floor. "Lies."

"See for yourself," she motioned with her blistered hand towards the window. A smirk pricked at her lips. 

Fen'Harel stepped back and glanced at the window, knowing that she would attempt to flee. When she tried to slide away he turned on the balls of his feet, sliding his staff from its bindings. The blade at the tip of the staff  slid easily into her stomach. She gasped as her body was slammed back against the wall. Her eyes searched around desperately,  looking for a way out. She tried throwing weak spells at him, but he deflected them without thought. He stepped up to her, his hand sliding down the length of his staff as he did.

A smile broke Fen'Harel's face at the scent of fresh blood, at the flames of betrayal. He tsked as she had before, mocking her. She sputtered to speak. As she started to form words he gripped the staff and shoved it further into her body. He heard the blade scrape harshly against the stone wall behind her. 

"You do not speak now," he stated snidely. Her eyes were unfocused, soon she would die and her spirit would be gone. He gripped her face with one hand, holding her up as he yanked the bladed staff from her midsection. She groaned weakly at the new pain. Her eyes scanned over his face without truly focusing on anything. "You think you will escape with death?" He grinned. There it was, the fire of fear blazed and her eyes came into focus. 

"Ple--" She started to plea. 

"Too late." He siphoned her essence from her body. She could feel her power slipping as it obediently left her body, no matter how hard she tried to grasp at it. His eyes flared with a smoky blue. "You will serve me now. Your death was not in vane, lethallan." He spat the word for kin as the last of her life drained from her eyes. Whatever power and spirit she had was now consumed by him.

He took a deep breath and released her face from his grasp. Her lifeless body dropped to the floor with a sickening thud as some bones broke upon the strange impact that her lifeless limbs took. He turned away and stepped over to the window in two long strides. There was an army in the hills far away. Her being here had tipped them off, they were able to track her. 

"Fenedhis." He ran out of the war room quickly. Sliding to a stop at the first dead body he encountered. He whirled around quickly, looking for the one who had slain this man. Spies. Here in his fortress. He started to walk forward, then remembered the crystal. The Evanuris could not recieve it, it was key to his victory. 

He raced back into the war room and carefully, directed it into his pocket. It'd have to do for now. He stole a quick glance back out the window. They were marching steadily, getting closer every second he wasted.

...

Everyone was rushing about, the young and those unable to fight were being evacuated through an eluvian in the lower most parts of the fortress. He sealed it behind them, making sure that this one would never be opened again. 

He rushed up to the barn. Atisha, his griffon was waiting for him by the door, outfitted in spiked armor, a bladed helmet upon her head. She sqwauked at his approach. As he mounted he spotted his second in command at the time, Joyn, trying to mount Felaern, but the beast was throwing a tantrum. "Felaern!" Solas called to the animal. It perked at its name and looked over to him. "Be still, we fly to battle." 

The griffon seemed to approve of this and allowed Joyn to mount, however he did give a quaint huff of disappointment. 

They took to the air as quickly as they could, others followed on the remaining griffons, and below there could be seen a vast army of elves riding upon the backs of harts and halla. Some were on foot, accompanied by the wolves that had greeted he and Rihari the day Mythal had been murdered. 

The army at the Evanuris disposal was vast, and this was only a piece of it. Indeed, this was not all of Fen'Harel's soldiers, but the bulk. He kept a careful eye for a spy, but could not tell who that may be from his vantage point. 

Atisha clucked several times, the equivalent of a growl, letting Solas know they were ready for battle. His attention snapped onto June with ferocious precision. He gritted his teeth as he urged Atisha towards him. June and his beast of a griffon had been on foot, but took flight and met them halfway. The creatures collided with a force hard enough to knock the air from their lungs.

Atisha struggled against the other, ripping at feathers and flesh alike, slashing with a bladed helmet, stabbing with spiked shoulder plates. They were spinning, slashing and gouging, biting and clawing. Blood stained the feathers that wafted down towards the earth. Solas threw a barrage of energy towards June, who deflected it easily. June fired an arrow at him around the fighting beasts, and it connected squarely with Fen'Harel's thigh. 

He ignored the pain that shot through his body and ripped the arrow out, stabbing it into June's griffon's neck. The beast squealed in pain and released its grasp on Atisha. She broke away, flipping over herself towards the ground. Just to straighten at the right time and fly just above the heads of fighting elves. The stench of blood and magic filled his nostrils to his displeasure. 

Atisha plucked up an enemy before taking to the sky. He swatted his arms around wildly, hoping to connect with her. She let go of one shoulder, and placed her taloned foot on his head. He cried out in protest, but she cut him short, crushing his skull with ease. His body twitched a time or two, the nerves in his body firing one last time. Then she sqwauked in triumph. 

June approached from the side. Solas shot sparks from his fingertips, they connected with June, and shimmered over the ward he had placed. Atisha swung around wide and swift and threw the dead man's body into their oppressors. June had not been prepared for the contact, and it unseated him. He yelped as he went on a sloppy spiral towards the bloody battlefield. 

His griffon beat it's wings, chasing after him. Solas sighed as he shot another barrage of energy towards him. A few ripped through the thinned barrier and left burned patches of leather on his armor, but otherwise did no damage. Atisha fell backwards over herself, gaining momentum as they took chase. Her wings flattened at her sides, making her more aerodynamic. 

June's luck was good this day, the griffon caught him before hitting the ground. He smirked at Fen'Harel, to which he returned. His eyes flicked just behind him, and his grin grew wider. Before Fen'Harel could react, June shot an arrow off to his right. It whizzed by Solas with a whoosh of air. He turned his head in time to see Felaern be caught by the arrow.

It went through his wing and snapped the bone. Solas watched in despair as the beast, his second in command on its back, hurled towards the ground. Felaern flapped his wings desperately, trying to lose some momentum. It worked, though only enough that upon impact he tumbled. Joyn was accidentally crushed as they tumbled, his back snapped at an awkward angle. Felaern struggled to his feet, throwing his weight around and stabbing those that scurried towards him, hoping to finish him off. 

Solas looked away as the elves crawled onto him, prodding at the spaces between his armor with curved blades. He heard the animal screech out in pain one last time before a victory yelp. June shot past him in a haze of laughing mockery. 

The anger within Fen'Harel peaked. He had shot down Felaern because he knew it to be Rihari's griffon. The darkly haired man, Joyn, could resemble her from afar even. It had been an attempt to disarm him, but it hadn't worked. 

He urged Atisha forward again, and they took up the chase. Tears of anger swelled in his eyes as they neared June. He shot energy after energy at the man, most missed, but a few made contact. Once close enough that Atisha plucked at the backend of the mount, he stood carefully and jumped onto its back. 

June twirled quickly and threw out a dagger intended as a kill shot. Solas threw up a ward in the last moment and the blade merely skittered against the barrier. He snatched June up by the throat and roared into his face, his face briefly warping into a small resemblance of a wolf, teeth sharpened, eyes turning red. June's smile fell, apparently remembering the last occurrence he had with Fen'Harel. 

He threw June's shocked body off the side of the griffon. It made a shrill sound in disagreement and surprise as it reached for him. June's hand snatched at the girdle and he slid under the griffon, throwing his momentum up and over the other side. His feet came together and landed in Fen'Harel's chest, knocking him off balance, and throwing him from the  back of the beast, where June threw himself back into the saddle and fled the scene. 

He was spinning wildly towards the ground, gravity pulling him ever closer to death. Atisha grabbed ahold of his shoulder and threw him upward, he landed awkwardly on her back, but quickly righted himself. He scanned the sky, looking for June but saw him no where. 

Below, his people were being slaughtered, the unmarked faces of his following glared up at him from.their dead eyes. He wouldn't admit defeat, not yet. 

He crashed onto the battlefield sloppily and rode through the hordes of elves. He turned many to stone, those that ran towards him, those bringing down a killing blow intended for one of his own. Slowly, they gathered a small group and cut a swath through the battle, gathering up more allies. Atisha threw her bladed head around, stabbing at enemies. She occasionally ripped off an arm as they passed by, reaching out and plucking it off easily with her beak. 

They approached a large group of high mages. Nobles, no doubt, that had sided with the Evanuris. Solas unmounted and stepped forward with a grin cutting through the blood on his face. They raised their staves and hands, preparing to fire. He plucked delicately at the power he had observed earlier, not much, but enough to handle this. He yanked the energy down into his hands and pushed it out towards the attackers. 

The energy screeched across the field towards them, their faces turning grave at the last moment. Some behind the front lines tried to flee, but we're quickly turned to ash. The battlefield quieted for a moment as the magic settled in the air. Crackling and demanding notice. 

He saw June and a few others far across the battlefield, preparing to flee. Their faces shocked and frightful. Fen'Harel smiled as he waved fondly at them. He could almost hear their disgust from where he stood. He watched as they fled, sounding the horn of retreat. 

Solas nodded over to the closest man. "Kill them all. There will be no mercy on this day."

The elf's amber skin paled a bit, his face taking on a grim shade of sickly unease before he nodded and relayed the command to a few others. They spread across the battlefield, killing those that yelled surrender, cutting off those that fled the field. They didn't have the assets to let these live. They had chosen their side, now they must endure. 

A dying man grasped at his leg, his bloody and dirty fingers leaving smudges on his pants. Solas looked down a him, the man had been trampled down by a beast of some sort, horse, hart, or griffon, it was unsure which. His body was dug into the ground, crushed and broken. Tears streaked through the grime on his face as he looked into the eyes of the Rebel God. "Please," his lip wobbled as more tears cut paths down his face. "Kill me."

Solas set his jaw as he removed his staff, and stuck the pointed in just above the man's temple. His tears were ended, his eyes still open, still looking up at him, but seeing nothing. He took a deep breath through his nose, breathing in all the scents of battle. Death and blood and dirt. It was all on him. He wondered if he could bare it for all of eternity. 

Atisha snapped her beak a few times, and he looked up to see her motioning down at the man, serving as a place holder for his staff still. Solas tore the bladed end from the mans skull, a sickening squelch accompanied the movement. "Do as you wish," he told her as he turned away. 

....

"An elven skirmish?" Blackwall asked. All of the memory had blinked by in a moment and now he was left with heartache. 

"In a manner of speaking. You?" Solas asked, desperate to fixate on anything else. 

Blackwall looked briefly conflicted. "I was a soldier. And I.. well.. you know how it is." 

"I do indeed."  
.....  
Fenedhis- a curse  
Atisha (Solas' griffon)- peace


	10. Chapter 10

In the last week alone, they had met with many new allies. First they had met with the First Enchanter, Vivienne. Then they met a strange elf, Sera, full of jokes, that one. Finally, they had met with a Grey Warden, Blackwall he was called. 

The First Enchanter had been very graceful, but still ruthless. She was a stunning model of a women, but a bit too headfast. She clung strongly to her beliefs of keeping the Circle together. Of course, Solas did not agree. He came from a time when magic flowed freely, as freely as the breath from your lungs upon exhale. So no, he didn't agree with the Circle, and by default didn't agree with her.

Sera was a curiosity. A little too rowdy, she could be a valuable ally with her "friends", but at what cost? She was childish and hardly ever made sense. She denounced being an elf at every change. Solas was saddened at her shame of being part of the race; they had once been the proudest race. And now.. 

Blackwall was hiding something. It slid around just behind the black of his eye, but never quite came into focus. Solas could trust him in a battle, but when would that trust run out? There was something sad and off about this Warden. 

Between trips Rihari had spent alot of her time flirting with him. She was tempting him with her wanting smile, teasing him with her gentle, accidental touch, but he knew they weren't accidental brushes. He had to figure this out, he kept telling himself that they couldn't be, but then he would smile and flirt back. 

Even when she had invited him your scoot his bed closer he had hesitated. He knew what her intentions were, and Creators how he wanted to give in to them. He surprised himself with his strong will, he wouldn't give in. Couldn't give in. At least that's what he told himself. 

They made it back to Haven in a horse drawn wagon. They were all a little worse for wear. Dirty and tired, they dragged their weary bodies out of the wagon. Rihari put her hands on her hips and took a deep breath, eyes closed. She looked tired and pale, dirt streaked her brow and cheeks, a smidge of green dotted her chin, grass probably. No matter, she was still stunning. The air around her seemed to be electric anytime he noticed her beauty. 

A poof of warm air accompanied her exhale, a little white wisp that was snatched up by the wintry breeze and carried away. He opened his mouth to speak to her, but she started off up the stairs to the Chantry. He snapped his mouth shut and made his way in the opposite direction, down towards the lake. He sat on the edge of the peer and looked over the frozen lake. What was he doing?

...

"Hey, you," she slid into the chair across from him and sat down a piece of bread and a handful of dried fruit in front of her. 

"Hello." He smiled faintly and took a sip of his drink. "I had wondered if you would wake this evening."

She raised a brow as she chewed a dried berry. "Yeah? Thinking about me, huh?" 

His cheeks blushed. "Usually," a smile threatened to break open across his face. 

She grinned and took a bite of the bread. "We have to leave in the morning."

"To go where?"

"The Storm Coast. A mercenary was waiting for me outside the Chantry," she reached over and took a sip of his beer, then sat the cup back down with a teasing little smirk. "The leader of the band, some Iron Bull, wants to join the Inquisition."

"I should prepare my things then?"

"Should you?" She cocked her eyebrow again playfully. 

"I would think. Since we've met, you have yet to take a mission without me," he replied. A little grin did break through this time.

"I trust you." Her eyes locked with his. He saw the beginning of care flickering there, and turned his eyes away, biting the inside of his cheek. His heart ached when she looked at him, especially like that. Made it hard to keep the goal in mind. 

.....

The sounds of the town waking up pulled him from the Fade. Chatting and clanking of swords, a few splotches of laughter. He clenched his eyes closed hard and rubbed his eyelids with his fingers. The cold air made his eyes dry. 

The sun rose up from the east, casting long shadows across the land as it brought along warmth and the promise of a full day. Solas took the stairs down to the tavern slowly. Stretching the sleep out of his legs. The door was already open and people were already gathered inside grabbing a bite to eat before starting the day. He spotted Rihari sitting at the bar. 

He strode over and sat down beside her. She looked over to him blankly and then returned to her breakfast of meat stew.

"Good morning," he said to her, wiping his eyes of sleep.

"Morning," Rihari replied curtly. He looked at her curiously. 

"Sleep well?"

"Yeah," She said. She turned her head and flashed a flirtatious smile, playfulness sparked in her eyes. "Well, could have been better." His face felt like it might melt off from the heat. He tried not to smile, and bit down on his tongue to keep himself from it. He looked away from her and to the bartender who was retrieving bread from the oven. 

A thousand memories of her flitted through his mind at once some with that very smile. When she smiled, it made him forget his purpose. He thought maybe he could deserve her, he could be happy too. Why was any of this important anyway? He could just be with her. He wanted to believe that.

"It could have," He quipped with a flirty tone. It made him think of her back against the window in his room, him lifting up her chin, "You would not lie about such things, hmm?" 

Her smile lit up the room, as if the sun itself came down and sat at the bar. His cheeks were still blushed, but he smirked as he saw hers were too. Perhaps they could just be.

By nightfall they had made it somewhere between the Storm Coast and Haven. There was a small forest there where they chose to make camp. The trees would hold in warmth, in the freezing weather. The horses were glad to be out of the elements as well, and they nestled together close to the fire and scratched at the snowy ground. Blackwall threw down a little hay and they seemed satisfied. 

Rihari was the first to file off to bed, followed by Cassandra. He and Blackwall sat by the fire a bit longer in comfortable silence. Blackwall was gazing into the fire thoughtfully, like he had just seen something that reminded him of his morality. 

Solas cleared his throat. "I will take first watch."

Blackwall blinked and then nodded. "Very well, I will take second in a few hours." He stood and wandered off to the other tent. 

There was murmuring and giggling from inside the girls' tent. His ears pricked to be sure. There was a little rustling and then more hushed whispers. He smiled softly as he turned his eyes back to the fire. One of the horses huddled down and tucked it's legs underneath itself. It chewed lazily as another sniffed at its back. Steamy white breath billowed from the beasts' mouths as they puffed.

He stretched out his legs in front of him and watched the fire dwindle, occasionally he poked at it and fed it a few twigs. In return it stayed hot and bright. 

When he finally got to lay down, he fell asleep almost immediately. Blackwall coughed right outside the tent. It's the last thing he remembered before the Fade engulfed him.


	11. Chapter 11

Solas and Varric sat at the table silently, both just enjoying their warm meals after being wet and cold for the past three days. The Iron Bull and has band of merry mercenaries took up the other half of the small tavern, drinking and laughing. Varric was writing something on a yellowed paper as he ate.

The door swung open and Solas looked over briefly to see her, the light from outside highlighting her features as the door swung shut. 

"Rihari!" Solas motioned her over with a wave. She smiled as she walked over, the brightest thing in his world. 

"Want some bread, Smiley?" Varric asked. Rihari dropped her smile. Varric laughed then looked between the two. "Chuckles and Smiley." Solas' face turned blood red and hid his eyes. It was too convenient, too in the open. Fenedhis, Varric had suspicions, others might as well, and that wouldn't bode well when his actions came to light. 

Rihari smiled as she sat down, punching Varric in the shoulder with playful malice. She snatched a piece of bread and dipped it in the gravy on Solas' plate. She smiled playfully as she chewed. His chest warmed with undeniable emotion, but also a little disgust. Why did she think they were that friendly already?

"So Solas." She rested her arms on the table playfully. "I'd be interested in hearing your opinions on Elven Culture."

His mind raced. Mostly ranging between "why" and "no". Anger settled over him. She knew nothing of  him or Arlathan or the time that they had shared. She knew nothing of the lost. "I thought you would be more interested in sharing your opinion on Elven Culture." He canted his head slightly, anger flickering in his features. "You are Dalish, are you not?" 

She slatted her eyes at his sudden attitude and snapped back. "What's your problem with the Dalish? Allergic to Halla?" 

He frowned, his anger peeking up over his calm demeanor. His cheeks felt hot, his eyes felt like they would burn through her if he made eye contact, so instead he focused on a spot behind her. "They are children acting out stories misheard and repeated wrongly a thousand times."

She sat up straight, suddenly taken aback by his anger. "Oh yeah? But you know the truth right?"

Varric cleared his throat, averting his eyes away from the table and taking a sip of his drink. 

Sure he did. He knew every bit of the truth. She would too if he hadn't taken that from her. "While they pass on stories and mangle details, I..", lived it, "walk the Fade." He canted his head again, his eyes hard, calculating, bewildered. "I have seen things they have not." Her eyes softened, focused on something else. She bit her lip subtly, but he saw it. What was she thinking? He looked away again, this wasn't the time.

"Ir abelas, hahren. If the Dalish have done you a disservice. I would make that right." Of course his anger was misplaced. She didn't know why he was angry, it wasn't her fault. It was his fault, like everything else. "What cause would you set for them that is better than what they know now?"

His face softened, the anger fleeing as he let it go with the breath he let out. It wasn't her fault. "You are right, of course." He nodded his head in solemn acceptance, of what she didn't know. "The fault is mine.." He almost stopped there but felt that would leave an open end, an end that could easily be twisted to mean it was his fault that the Dalish were unknowing. Though he supposed that was also true. "For expecting what the Dalish could never truly accomplish. Ir abelas, da'len. If I can offer any understanding, you are but to ask." He truly was sorry for letting anger get the best of him, she didn't know any better and neither did they. At least they were trying, but it was hard to see that.

"You can, but later, yeah?" She winked, and he flashed a shy smile, but his mind wandered elsewhere. Somewhere warm, how soft her lips had felt in the dying light. Tears were on her cheeks, but he hadn't cared. 

"So Varric.." She turned her attention to the dwarf. "Do you even own a normal shirt?" She smiled. Solas laughed around a bite of bread, almost choking on it. He bumped his fist against his chest to help the dry clump go down. 

Varric smiled. "One. But it's only because you found it and I was the only one who could fit." He laughed too. "It's terrible."

She curled her nose. "So is that one," she referred to his red shirt. The shirt was low cut and showing a mass of chest hair. Solas laughed again. 

"What, this?" He touched the fabric of his collar. "It's my best shirt!"

"We know," Solas and Rihari said together. 

They spent most of the evening prodding at each other. Passing the time with friendly jabs at each other's pride. Solas laughed so much, his sides ached. It was the first time in a very long time that he had felt happy, that he had felt the bonds of friendship. 

They were real.

The sun was setting when Solas and Rihari exited the tavern. The rays of the setting sun kissing the mountains, and shining through the twirling Breach. 

"So.." Rihari started as they walked with no clear objective in mind. "About those elves."

"Yes?" He asked, looking over to her as they walked. She was stunningly beautiful. Even the marks of a self proclaimed God on her face were spectacular in how they fit her features. They defined her cheekbones, somehow made her eyes appear brighter. 

"Are all Dalish elves like my Clan?" She asked. 

"No. Your Clan was unique in having enough interest in human affairs to send you to spy upon the Divine's meeting." The way she walked as he spoke reminded him of that day in the city, the wonder in her eyes, a pep in her step as she rushed around. "As your Clans have been separate for so long, they have all changed. Adapting to the lands in which they live." He stole another glance at her, she was listening intently, watching as he spoke, that same amazement shining through. "Some are no more than bandits, others trade freely with humans. Some disappeared in time with the forests."

They were walking through the woods outside of Haven now. The sunset to their backs, but the sky would be ever lit up with the green of the Breach when it set. 

"I'd like to know more about the elves before our time." She looked at him as she spoke, smiling with the excitement of newfound knowledge. 

He smiled. He knew alot about the elves before the veil. "The Dalish strive to remember Halamshiral. But Halamshiral was but a fumbling attempt to recreate a forgotten land." 

"Arlathan." She stopped in her tracks, facing him.  

Solas smiled with the light of nostalgia. "Elvhenan was the empire, and Arlathan it's greatest city." His voice softened, "A place of magic and beauty, lost to time." 

"So what else do you know of Arlathan?" She asked. Neither of them noticed their bodies moving closer together. 

"We hear stories of them living in trees and imagine wooden ramps and Dalish aravels." She closed her eyes as he spoke picturing the place she would never see again. Or at the least, she wouldn't remember seeing it. "Imagine instead spires of crystal intertwined into the branches. Palaces floating among the clouds." He could see her trying to imagine it all through her closed eyes. Her face in rest, a smile pulling at her lips as she saw it as what she could. His mouth dried up, a lump in his throat as he looked at her soft face. "Imagine beings that lived forever, to which magic was as natural as breathing." The words came out soft ans sad. "That is what was lost."

Her eyes opened with his words. Her brow firrowed. "It's so sad. I just don't understand what happened. Why did we have to lose that?" They were so close now, inches apart, she had moved towards him as he spoke, his melodic voice drawing her in. 

Solas's eyes reflected his regret, but he held fast to silence. He thought it best she didn't know of the war, of the fall, or of the reason for the loss. 

She searched his eyes for the answer, but there was only sadness there. He wanted to tell her everything, wanted to give her the world in his dreams; the world they had shared together. The world that had once been reality, but was now rarely even seen in his dreams, let alone others'. It reminded him of his purpose here. 

They were standing too close. He started to walk again back towards the walls of Haven. She kept in step with him, but didn't try to get too close. 

"I am sorry that I was angry earlier. It was uncalled for." 

She smiled. "Yeah? That's okay. We all make mistakes." 

"Yes, I suppose we do." Unbeknownst to her, he had made more than his fair share, and his mistakes had been world changing. 

"I guess we'll head to Redcliffe tomorrow." She stated. "We have to meet with Grand Enchanter Fiona about the mages. We've put it off long enough."

Solas nodded. "Yes. With the mages at our side, closing the Breach should not be a problem."

They arrived at her cottage, and she turned back to say goodbye. She looked into his eyes, begging him to notice her. His eyes held a longing to touch her, to tell her he wanted her. To speak out and say anything, but he did not. 

"Well.." Rihari stalled. "I guess I will see you in the morning?" She phrased it as a question. She smiled bashfully with eyebrows raised in question, waiting on him to make a move. Begging him to. 

"Yes." He swallowed hard. His legs itched to move closer. His fingers twitched with thoughts of touching her face, with running his fingers through her black hair as he kissed her soft lips. He shoved his urges down into a crevice of his mind. "Yes," He repeated, "I will see you then." He backed away a few steps before turning away. "Good night, da-," he coughed to cover up almost calling her da'ean. His little bird. "Lethallan," he corrected. 

"Good night." She replied softly as he walked away.


	12. Chapter 12

It was cold. So cold. The wind bit into his skin and the snow crept it's way into his clothes, biting through the innermost layers with cold, melting ice. A wolf cried in the distance somewhere, barely audible over the sound of the wind rushing down the mountain side and into his face. His eyes watered, blurring his vision. He rubbed his hands across his face. 

The spell he used to keep warm was wearing thin, the cold of this winter biting straight through. He made his way up though, and collapsed at the top. He rolled onto his backside and looked down the mountain. He could feel his heart pounding fervently, though he wasn't sure if it was from fear or from exhaustion. 

"Fenedhis," he shook his head as he struggled back to his feet and veered to the left. There, peeking through the snow and ice, was the painting. He was on the right track then; a little good news. He shivered against the cold and grumbled to himself as he reset the spell and threw a ward over it. The cold was almost intolerable. If it weren't for the spell, it would be intolerable. 

The hike went up and up. The sun shined brightly in the cold sky, but did nothing to warm the chill that had settled down into his bones. His body hurt and his feet ached. 

It had been so long, he wasn't sure that it would even be there anymore. He was beginning to question if it were even worth it, but knew it was. There could still be survivors, if the castle still stood. 

At the top of the next rise, he saw it. "Tarasyl'an Te'las," Solas whispered to himself. "After all this time.." 

He didn't dally any longer. The rest of the journey was easy to make. He pushed himself hard the last couple of meters up to the bridge. One of the doors hung ajar, like someone had forgotten to shut them. His heart plummeted into his belly as he listened for any sounds at all, but heard nothing. Just the whistling of the wind pulling snow off into its twirling currents.

He walked across the stone walkway slowly, trying not to bite into his cheek, but doing so anyway. At the door he stopped; his hand extended and pressed against the cold, weathered wood. He took a deep breath and pushed the old wood door open. It creaked unhappily on its rusty hinges and made a few popping sounds as he swung it open and slid inside. 

Tears stung his eyes as he looked over the empty training yard. The stairs were intact but the overhead bridge that connected the castle to the battlements had crumbled and blocked the path way to the stables. He swiped the tears away before they could make their way down his face. 

Carefully he took to the stairs. The courtyard was in shambles. Most buildings were caved, splintered wood stuck up straight towards the mocking sun. He quickly made his way up the stairs and into the castle. The door took a little elbow grease to get open. Something skittered across the floor and hid under a pile of brittle wooden planks. The old wood was blanketed in a layer of fluffy snow and the sun wriggled in through the caved ceiling. 

He nodded in acceptance as he stepped carefully over debris and opened the door to the rotunda. The paint on the old walls has all weathered away. Weather and time had taken its toll on everything expect the stone. 

He made his way next to the war room, a withered and unintelligible map was strewn across the table, he slid his fingertips over it softly. The crystal? He whirled around and went back through the office and into the grand hall. Then he had to shove some debris around to open the door to his private quarters. He made it up the stairs quickly, taking two at a time. 

The balcony had let in the snow and it covered that half of the room. The desk was broken under the weight of the snow, and the bed was weathered beyond repair. He looked over to the bookshelf that lay on its face, books strewn haphazardly around. He tried to lift the shelf once and barely got it an inch up. He stood and breathed hard through flared nostrils. 

"Weak. Worthless," he spat through gritted teeth. Anger shoved it's way past his calm and took over. He snatched the bookshelf hard this time and threw it back with all of his might. It raised, but was too warped to stand upright and started to fall again. He threw a wall of energy against it and it banged against the wall, splintering off into a few mangled prices before plopping back down on the books. 

He moved the remains of the bookshelf and threw books around wildly, searching in vane. It wasn't here. He covered his face with his hands and rested back onto his feet. 

Despair and anger mixed into a dangerous concoction in his chest. It swelled and bubbled like a chemistry experiment gone wrong. How could he be so careless? Why hadn't he taken it with him? Who would have had it now? 

Another rat retreated across the room. It ran under the remains of a desk and something hard and round rolled around as it skittered away. Solas snapped his head up and crawled over to the desk. He threw back the rotten wood and saw it. The orb looked out of place amongst all the rot and snow. He grabbed it with one hand and pulled it closer. His heart pounded as he held the orb closely. 

He had one just like it. 

But how? Why would he ever give it to a monster, it's too powerful of an instrument. He ran his fingers over the ridges in contemplation. The energy inside shuddered, begging to be used. When he called to the power, it pulled away from him. He tried again, harder this time. 

The power inside locked itself away, unwilling to be used by one so unworthy of its power. His insides twisted. He was too weak to use his own instrument of power. Tears formed in his eyes as he looked around the ruined room and dug his fingers into the grooves of the orb until they ached. 

A sob clawed it's way out of his chest. It was all his fault. The people.. the orb.. the world even. Creators, why had he done this? Why had she let him do this? She had encouraged him to continue, to fight. Why? 

He set his jaw, disregarding the tears that teetered on the tip of his nose. He demanded the power within the orb, he commanded it obey. Nothing happened. It didn't even give him the respect of a denial this time. 

He frowned at himself, his heart aching. "And now we know, da'ean." 

.......  
Translations   
Fenedhis: common curse   
Da'ean: little bird   
Tarasyl'an Te'las: the place where the sky was held back (elvhen name for Slyhold)


	13. Chapter 13

He stood in the rotunda uneasily. What had he done? Why had he kissed her? Fenedhis, this complicated things.

"It has been a long time, and things have always been easier for me in the Fade." He had frowned. "I am not certain this is the best idea. It could lead to trouble."

The words had been meant to give her pause, maybe make her reconsider, but they did not.

"I don't care about trouble. It follows me around. We're old friends." She smiled that smile that just so happened to crush his resistance. "I'm willing to take the risk, if you are." 

"I.. may be, yes. If I could take some time to think. There are... considerations." 

He was distracted by his thoughts, his emotions. This was unexpected, it was too much to take in all at once. Which is why he stood motionless in the rotunda, his heart pounding with fear and joy at the same time. 

"Take all the time you need." She had said softly. He almost hadn't heard her, thinking too much inside his own head. 

"Thank you. I am not often thrown off by things that happen in dreams." He smiled at her, and she seemed relieved by that somehow. "But I am reasonably certain we are awake now, and if you wish to discuss anything, I would enjoy talking." 

But he didn't want to, he wanted to run away, he wanted time to think and reason with himself. 

"Yeah, me too." 

And then they did talk, even though he wanted space, he wanted her there too. They talked into the small hours of the night, until she left. Then he just stood there. Sleep, he needed sleep for his weary mind.

...

"Solas? Something wrong with your tea?"

He made a face at his cup and sat it down. "It is tea, I detest the stuff." He sighed heavily. "But this morning I need to shake the dreams from my mind. I may also need a favor." 

"No way! You? A favor?" He looked on unimpressed and a little annoyed. This wasn't a joke to him, this was serious. "Just playing, yeah? What is it?" 

He got up and walked away, over to where he had started painting the wall. It would be a story one day, when this was all over. "One of my oldest friends has been captured by mages, forced into slavery. I heard the cry for help as I slept." He was fidgeting, unraveled. It was embarrassing to him that he seemed so afraid. He covered his face with his hands to try and steady their trembling. 

"Oh, Creators. I'd be happy to help you! How did the mages capture your friend? Blood magic?"

"A summoning circle, I would imagine." He finally dropped his hands from his face, but they still moved around nervously.

She cocked her head. "I'm sorry, what?"

He rolled his eyes at himself. Duh, she wouldn't know. "Oh, my friend is a spirit of wisdom. Unlike the spirits clamoring to enter our world through the rifts, it was dwelling quite happily in the Fade." He sighed again. "It was summoned against its will, and wants my help to regain it's freedom and return to the Fade." 

"I thought spirits wanted to find their way into this world." She stated. 

"Some do, certainly! Just as many Orlesian peasants wish they could journey to exotic Rivain." He shook his head, considering that she should know this stuff, would know this stuff if she remembered. "But not everyone wants to go to Rivain. My friend is an explorer, seeking lost wisdom and reflecting it. It would happily discuss philosophy with you, but it had no wish to come here physically." 

"Well, do you have any idea what they want with your friend?"

He shook his head. "No. It knows a great deal of lore and history, but a mage could learn that just by speaking to it in the Fade. It is possible they seek information it does not wish to give, and intend to torture it."

"Okay, let's find your friend as quick as possible." 

"Thank you." He gave a tight smile. It was appreciated, but still he was uptight, nervous. "I got a sense of its location before I awoke. I will mark it on our map."

Immediately after she left the rotunda, he groaned and took another sip of tea and then shuddered at it's foul taste. This wouldn't be easy for any of them. 

He knew Rihari had probably been coming to see about his answer to rather they should be involved, but truth was he wasn't ready to answer that question anyway, and this was more important. 

...

His anger was too uncontrollable. He knew they were just ignorant, that they just didn't know. It didn't matter. He blasted their bodies with a blast of fire so hot that they were killed almost instantly. It didn't matter, he continued to throw energy at their corpses until they were little more than ashen pulps.

"Are you okay?" Rihari asked softly after a few minutes of him just standing there. 

"No," he managed to croak out. "Thank you for your help, Inquisitor. I will meet you back at Skyhold." He had no intentions of going back to Skyhold. He had a different destination in mind. 

"Okay," she replied softly. He left without another word. 

...

It was about a week before he went back to Skyhold. When he walked through the gates, Rihari was walking down the steps and came over to greet him.

Rihari flashed her best smile when she saw him. "Well, fenedhis. Looks like I owe Varric a drink." She joked, he didn't smile and she shifted nervously. "I wasn't sure you were coming back."

"Neither was I for a time, but only a short time." He had a sad smile. "You were a true friend. You did everything you could to help, I could hardly abandon you now." Or ever, he thought. It didn't matter how much he knew that they didn't need to be, he couldn't stay away. 

"Where did you go, yeah?" She asked. 

"I found a quiet spot and went to sleep. I visited the place in the Fade where my friend used to be. It is empty, but there are stirrings of energy in the void. Someday, something new may grow there." 

It was true. He went back to the village he grew up in, and he slept in the broken house that used to be his. He searched for his friend for four days, but the spirit wasn't there. Only a small energy stirred, but couldn't be influenced. 

"Hmm. What happens when a spirit dies?"

He smiled at her sadly. She was always interested in learning more. It was an attractive trait, even now. "It isn't the same for mortals. The energy of spirits return to the Fade. If the idea given the spirit form is strong, or the memory has shaped other spirits, it may someday rise again."

She pursed her lips. "So your friend might come back?"

He shook his head sadly. "No, not really. A spirit's natural state is peaceful semi existence. It is rare to be able to reflect reality. Something similar may form one day, but it would likely have a different personality. It would likely not remember me, it would not be the friend I knew." 

He frowned again and looked down at his bare toes in the dirt. The spirit of wisdom that had been his friend since before the veil- since he was but a child- was gone forever. 

"The next time you have to mourn, you don't need to be alone." She said seriously. 

He was looking at her as she spoke, but when the words hit him, he turned his face away to hide his breath catching. "It's been so long since I could trust someone."

"I know." She said soothingly. 

He looked up and put on a small smile. A real smile, even though small. "I'll work on it, and thank you."

"Of course." She smiled. He returned it a moment, taking in her face before it became awkward staring. "I should go, I have things to do, but we can talk later, yeah?"

"Always." He watched as she walked across the Courtyard towards the sick tents. He left as well, headed to the rotunda to study about the Fade. He hoped to find something reassuring but knew he would not. He knew that his friend was long gone, but for now he had a flicker of hope and he planned to follow it until it ran out.


End file.
